


What Happens After

by Lyviel



Series: Inquisitor Elden [11]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Comfort, Comfort/Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attacks, Post-Trespasser, Trespasser DLC, Trespasser Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-15
Updated: 2015-12-22
Packaged: 2018-04-20 21:53:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 24,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4803584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lyviel/pseuds/Lyviel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Trespasser spoilers<br/>Inquisitor Elden's life is falling apart around him. Dorian, his love, is leaving for good and the Inquisition, his purpose, is ending. Even if the mark doesn't kill him will there be anything or anyone waiting for him in the end?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

As soon as Elden stepped through the mirror it went dark, refusing entry to Dorian and the others. _No. No no no no no._ This couldn't be happening _._ Dorian pounded on it with his fists, desperate to get in, to get to Elden. He stepped back to kick the blasted thing but Vivienne placed a hand on his shoulder.

“Stay calm, my dear,” she said. “We’ll only get to him if we keep a clear head.”

Dorian snorted, but she was right. He took a deep breath, trying to focus, trying not to think about how pale Elden had been or how he had cried out in pain whenever the accumulated power of the mark had ripped free with such explosive results. _Maker, please just don’t let him die alone at least._ He shook the thoughts from his head and joined Vivienne in examining every inch of the mirror, but there was frustratingly little for them to see. Dorian could feel himself growing more and more frantic and even Vivienne was beginning to look frustrated, both of them all too aware that each second they wasted here was less time Elden had to live.

“Sparkler,” Varric called, and Dorian looked up, annoyed at the interruption. “You appear to be glowing.”

“Yes, thank you, but what--” He looked down and froze when he saw the faint blue glow emanating from his robes. He frantically pulled out the amulet, the twin of the one he had given Elden, and opened it. Immediately they could hear the voices of Elden and Solas from the crystal within. Dorian couldn’t help but breathe a sigh of relief. Elden was still alive. _Good man, clever man_ , Dorian thought, unable to suppress the proud smile that pulled at his lips. It vanished as soon as he registered what was being said. A grim silence fell on the three of them as they gathered around the crystal and listened, barely willing to believe what was being said. Fury was building in Dorian, hot and explosive, but when Elden cried out in pain yet again, his blood ran cold.

“I’m sorry,” he heard Solas say and Dorian wanted to throttle him.

Elden cried out one last time, and then silence fell. Dorian waited, not daring to hope, not daring to speak. It was agonizing not being able to see what was happening. He wanted to call out but that could put Elden in danger if he wasn’t already dead.

“He’s gone. Did you get all that?” Elden said at last. His voice was strained and quiet. He sounded breathless and exhausted and Dorian thought his heart must be ripping from his chest it hurt so much.

“Yes, amatus. Don’t speak. We’re trying to get to you.”

“I’m sorry,” Elden said. “None of it mattered. I—”

“Shut up,” Varric interrupted. “We’ll come get you and then we’ll find a way to stop this too.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t think I--”

“Shut up! I don’t want to hear it!” Dorian snapped, terrified at the hopelessness in Elden’s voice. No matter how bad things had gotten, he had never heard Elden sound so exhausted, so ready to give up. “We are going to get you out of here and you’re going to live so just _shut up._ ” But Elden kept talking.

“You are...you’re wonderful, Dorian. You are going to do so much good in Tevinter. Since the day I met you you’ve made me so happy. I love you.”

Dorian gripped the amulet tightly, the tears running freely. He bit his lip trying to steady his voice. “I love you, you bastard,” was all he could say.

“Warn the others of what’s coming and don’t let Orlais take control of the Inquisition. Leliana will know what to do. And—and all of you—thank you. For everything. Tell the others that too. Without all of you, I could never have—” He swallowed audibly, trailing off. “Just—thank you.”

He sounded so quiet, so faint, and Dorian’s hand holding the amulet up was shaking and he could barely see through the tears. _Maker please, anything but this_ please, _just don’t—_ He thought he had been prepared for this, but he wasn’t. Elden shouldn’t be alone. Dorian should be there with him. He should have done so many things. He had wasted the last two years, years they could have spent together, years Dorian could have at least spent trying to save him from this very fate. Elden didn’t deserve this. Dorian should say more, apologize for everything—but before he could speak there was a crash like stone hitting stone and silence fell. Dorian yelled Elden’s name but no matter how he begged and pleaded, there was no sound on the other side, and the crystal dimmed and went dormant.

“It’s open,” Vivienne said urgently, placing a hand on Dorian’s shoulder.

Dorian’s head snapped up. Sure enough, the mirror was glowing again. Dorian all but sprinted through, barely registering as he ran past Qunari, frozen like stone statues. He recalled the ghastly burnt corpses at the Temple of Sacred Ashes, but these were different. Surely the mark hadn’t caused this. Surely Elden was still alive. He had to be alive _Maker please let him be alive_.

He crested a hill and saw him. Elden was laying face down, his left arm stretched out, but something wasn’t right. As he got closer Dorian saw that the arm had been turned to stone as well, shattering as Elden had fallen (has he died? _Please don’t do this to me_ ) _._ Dorian dropped to the ground beside him, carefully rolling him onto his back and hauling him, armor and all, into his arms. He quickly checked Elden over for any injuries. He had several cuts and burns from their earlier fight, nothing fatal, but it was his arm Dorian was particularly worried about. Maker, his arm was just gone. Just below his elbow his arm just ended, the rest lying in stone pieces on the ground. The injury was completely healed as if it had been amputated long ago, spidery scars reaching up to his shoulder the only indication that anything unnatural had occurred. Dorian brushed Elden’s hair out of his eyes and ran his knuckles gently over his cheek. Finally Elden opened his eyes and even though they were vague and unfocused, relief crashed over Dorian. He was still alive.

“Dorian?” he asked faintly. “I thought I told you to go warn the others?”

“When have I ever done as I was told?”

Elden smiled, but then he winced and Dorian had no idea what to do to ease his pain and he hated it, hated everything. _Maker please don’t do this._ “I don’t know if--” Elden began, but Dorian cut him off.

“Hush. Just relax and let us get you out of here first, then we’ll figure out everything else.” _I love you. Please don’t leave me._

Elden’s eyes were more focused now as he looked at Dorian, and he smiled sadly. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I love you.”

Dorian wanted to scream and break everything that could have caused Elden to apologize after everything, after giving everything to the world, past the point he should have died, and still wishing he could give more. Vivienne knelt beside them and lifted a potion to Elden’s lips. Dorian helped support his head as he drank. Vivienne gave him potion after potion and Dorian held his breath, just waiting and praying, clutching him tightly.

From where his fingers dug into the leather of Elden’s armor, he felt something small and hard there. It must be digging into Elden’s side. He fussily pulled it out and stared in confusion at the small velvet box in his hand.  His mind was screaming at him but he refused to listen, refused to register what could possibly be inside. In an agonizingly slow motion he forced himself to open the box and stared down at the ring inside. Before he could say anything Vivienne stood, apparently satisfied.

“Rest a moment, my dear. You’ll be fine,” she said to Elden and stepped away, nodding to Dorian.

Dorian looked down at Elden and was relieved to see that some color had returned to him, making him look much more alive, but he still looked so exhausted, so worn out. Elden was watching him now, a worried, almost fearful look in his eyes. Dorian wanted to take him up in his arms again and take him far way from anyone who could ever harm him and never let him go, but he just sat there frozen. What did the ring mean?  No, there wasn’t time for this. They couldn’t have this conversation now, not while Elden could still be in danger.  Dorian couldn’t even handle thinking about any of this right now, so he pushed it all away, hiding his real feelings securely behind sarcasm and levity.

“Got someone on the side you’re planning to propose to, hmm?” The words were out of Dorian’s mouth before he could stop them and he wished he’d just kept quiet. He could see the hurt and the pain in Elden’s eyes and no, that was the last thing Dorian had wanted to do. Elden was hurting already; Dorian hadn’t wanted to add to it. He just wanted to be there for him, but was that even possible now? Would he still want him after Dorian had broken his heart on the day he had been planning to—

Dorian heard footsteps and snapped the box closed, shoving it into his pocket.

“My dear Inquisitor, how do you feel?” Vivienne asked as she knelt beside them again, Varric close behind.

“Fine,” Elden said rather numbly, glancing at Dorian briefly before looking down at his hand. “I thought...”

“The way back is clear and reinforcements are on the way. I’m afraid the council is not going well despite Josephine’s best efforts,” Vivienne said, and from the mingled sympathy and resolve on her face, Dorian knew what she was going to say and wanted, rather badly, to hate her for it. “If you plan on making any announcements before the deliberations are over I’m afraid now is the time. I have a potion here that will keep you on your feet long enough to do so.”

“You must be joking,” Dorian snapped. “The damn council can wait. He needs to rest!”

“It’s fine,” Elden said sharply and Dorian didn’t like the hard set of his jaw or the numb, accepting look in his eyes. “This needs to be done. They need to know.”

Vivienne handed him another potion, and he downed it quickly and sat up. He wavered a moment and looked surprised, but only for a moment. Dorian could see it all there in his eyes, the moment Elden remembered his arm was gone and how he refused to even look at it. He was on the brink of breaking down, meticulously putting everything out of his mind so he could push himself that last little bit to see it all through. It wasn’t fair. After everything this man had been through, he shouldn’t have to keep doing this. Couldn’t he have five minutes to himself to come to terms with the fact that he had just lost his fucking arm, let alone everything else that had just happened?

But instead Elden smiled, _actually smiled_ , at all of them and Dorian thought his chest really must be splitting open. “Would you mind having someone bring me my coat? I should probably make myself more presentable for the council.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are quite a few theories on what happened to the Inquisitor's arm. A popular theory is that the arm was just too far gone and once Solas removed the mark it must be amputated. The arm turning to stone is what I thought happened when I first played through and considering the Inquisitor is up and walking around immediately after I'm just going to stick with it for my canon because it doesn't seem like there was time for a surgery 
> 
> Thanks to my beta 100indecisions!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Inquisition needed to end but what does that make the Inquisitor?

Elden let the doors swing shut behind him, blocking out the raised voices as the Council erupted into chaos. His friends were there waiting for him, all looking grim with the news he had brought. Dorian wasn’t among them. Of course, it must be past morning now, and he had a ship to catch. Elden tried not to feel. Not yet. It was easier, but the whole world was swimming before him and he felt dizzy from strain. Vivienne wordlessly passed him another potion and he hurried past them all as he downed it and headed for his room.

Luckily he made it there before his legs gave out. As soon as the door was closed behind him he let the mask of the Inquisitor finally slip away, most likely for the last time, and leaned heavily against the wall. He sank to the ground, hiding his face in his hand. Everything was falling down around him. The Inquisition was gone and with it his companions. They all had their own lives to get back to, but this had been Elden’s life. He was nothing now, and he would be alone again. All he could do was sit there silently, unable to stop the tears. What was he supposed to do? He didn’t have a home to go back to. He had been no one before all of this, and now—having failed them all—he was even less than that. 

As he sat there, he realized he wished he had died. He hated himself for it, but it had been so much easier when he was lying there knowing that at least for the moment Dorian and the others were alive and safe. He had done all he could; it was okay for him to finally give in, right? But he had lived, and no one was safe. Soon they were all going to die and there was no stopping it. Now that he was still alive he had to face it, and he wasn’t sure he had the strength for it. He wanted to fight until everyone was safe but he was already so hollow and he just wanted it all to end. He was just so tired. Everything would have been easier if he had died. Then Dorian would have been free of him, able to continue his life in Tevinter and find someone who could be there with him and actually help him achieve something. Elden had failed even after Solas had given him everything needed to succeed and he wasn’t even sure he still could be happy, could make Dorian happy.

Elden had always thought that the Maker was looking out for them in some capacity, but now that he knew that Solas had been manipulating him every step of the way, he wasn’t so sure. How could the Maker allow any of this to happen? How could someone he trusted, someone he had considered a friend, betray them so easily, planning to destroy them all for something that no longer existed? Could the Maker even still exist with what Elden now new to be the truth? Was he just another powerful elf claiming to be a god? Had everything he believed in been a lie? Elden wanted to be angry with Solas and with everything, but he just couldn't. None of it truly mattered anyway. None of them had any hope of defeating someone so powerful.

He reached up and gripped his left arm, but he still couldn't look at it. Looking at the mark on his hand had made him queasy, but this was so much worse. It felt like his insides had been ripped out, leaving him aching and empty. The worst part was that he could still feel it. He could still feel his hand and the mark and the agony of it when he had lost control of it, only now it was all gone, leaving him with nothing. He wasn’t the Herald of Andraste, he wasn’t the Inquisitor, he wasn’t anything. He hadn’t been chosen to save the world and the Maker wasn’t guiding his steps. He had been manipulated from the beginning and it was all for nothing. 

The door opened suddenly, making him jump. Had he forgotten to lock it? He couldn’t be seen like this. He tried to scramble away further into the darkened corners of the room but he tried to put out his left arm to catch himself and fell heavily. He curled in on himself, biting his lip trying to stop the shaking. Suddenly gentle arms were wrapping around him and he couldn’t suppress the sob that escaped him.

“Amatus,” Dorian whispered as he placed kiss after kiss over Elden’s face. “It’s all right now. It’s over.” He rubbed Elden’s left arm soothingly like he had done in the past when the mark was causing him pain and Elden couldn’t help but lean into him, cling to him. “I’m not leaving for Tevinter,” Dorian said. “I’m staying. I’m not going anywhere.”

It was too much. Elden broke down completely, the numbness he had tried to pull up around him collapsing as agony and despair overwhelmed him and he thought he would be crushed by it all. Sobs wracked his body and all he could do was cling to Dorian as he doubled over, hating himself for all of this. For failing to save the world, for failing to sway Solas, and for making Dorian even consider abandoning something that meant so much to him. And most of all he hated himself for wanting to give up and wanting so badly for Dorian to stay. He wasn’t the hero everyone thought he was. He was nothing, and he couldn’t save anyone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short chapter. These are taking me longer than I'd like so I'm posting them in shorter bits


	3. Chapter 3

The anchor was flaring, burning up Elden’s arm as the power built toward explosive levels. He flinched awake and sat up, holding his marked hand away and shielding his face with his free arm. It took him a moment to realize that there were no sparks. There was no _hand_. He lowered his left arm quickly and looked away, his stomach turning. He wrapped his good arm around his stomach, just trying to hold back the nausea, shaking and breathing hard as he remembered everything and the hopelessness pressed in trying to suffocate him.

He flinched again when he felt arms wrapping around him from behind, but then Dorian was whispering in his ear, telling him everything was fine, and while Elden didn't believe any of it, he still collapsed back into him, letting Dorian hold him more securely. He had felt so cold but with Dorian holding him it wasn’t so bad. Elden tried to block everything out and shut down again but it was far too late. He still felt hopeless and lost and now he felt like a child for breaking down like this. He clutched at his left arm, wishing he could forget what it felt like to lose control of the mark, to have it explode and nearly injure his friends.

“Is your arm hurting?” Dorian asked once Elden’s breathing slowed to something closer to normal.

“Fine,” Elden said automatically.

“Drink this anyway,” Dorian said, handing him a potion.

Elden did so without a word and gave the empty bottle back. Dorian pulled away slightly and Elden had to bite down the urge to cling to him, to ask him to stay. Instead Elden curled onto his side. He heard the _tink_ of the bottle being placed on the bedside table and then Dorian was back, wrapping his arms around him, pressing his forehead against Elden’s.

“I don’t think I can do this,” Elden said suddenly. He hadn’t meant to say anything, but he just couldn’t help it. Everything hurt and it was so much more than one of Vivienne’s potions could soothe. He was used up and so, so tired.

“Shh, amatus,” Dorian whispered, holding him more tightly. “We’ll get through this.”

Elden couldn’t see how, but he could feel tears threatening to fall again and pressed his face into Dorian’s chest, not wanting him to see. Dorian didn’t say a word and just wrapped his arms more securely around him, running a hand through Elden’s hair.

“I don’t know what to do,” Elden said desperately. He knew this wasn’t helping, but it hurt so much and he just wanted it all to stop. 

“We’ll figure this out together. You’re not alone. I’ll be by your side as long as you’ll have me.”

Dorian sounded just as lost and afraid as Elden did and they clung to each other until sleep finally claimed Elden.

-

Elden woke still wrapped in Dorian’s arms. Through the window he could see the sun on its descent. Had he slept all day? Then again, for all he knew it could be days later. He pulled away, disentangling himself from Dorian, feeling hollow and sick particularly after his display. He couldn’t remember taking off his jacket, but his chest was bare and the cold felt like it was cutting into him. He couldn’t bring himself to care. Dorian sat up as well and placed a warm, reassuring hand on his back, leaning into him slightly.

“How are you feeling?” Dorian asked. His voice didn’t sound rough with sleep, and Elden had to wonder how long he had been lying there awake.

“I’m fine, really,” Elden said.

“ _Kaffas_ ,” Dorian snapped. “I swear if you say you’re fine one more time…”

But he should be fine. All Elden knew was how to be the Inquisitor, always fine and always capable. Now he was nothing, and all he wanted was to feel empty because he didn’t know what else he could still feel that didn’t hurt. Elden closed his eyes, not wanting to speak but knowing he had to. “You missed your boat,” he said, and immediately wished he hadn’t.

Dorian frowned at him. “Yes, I told you I was staying.”

Elden felt so weak, so tired in a way he knew no amount of sleep would fix. He didn’t want to think about this right now and he certainly didn’t want to talk about it. It would be so easy to just leave it. But he couldn't. He would hate himself if he did. “You can’t just--”

“I almost lost you,” Dorian interrupted. He sounded angry, but Elden could hear the fear behind it no matter how Dorian tried to conceal it. “I’ve almost lost you too many times. I can’t-- I won’t--”

“You won’t. It’s over.”

“Is it?” Dorian asked skeptically. No, it would never be over until Solas killed them all. But Elden couldn't say that. He didn’t want anyone else to feel as hopeless as he did. “You’re terrible at this,” Dorian said.

“At what?”

“At hiding what you’re thinking. I love you and I’m not going anywhere. We can discuss all of this later but not until you’ve eaten and let the healers have a look at you and slept a great deal more.” Dorian released him and Elden couldn’t help but shiver, already missing his reassuring touch. “Unfortunately, the broth I pilfered from the kitchen last night is long since cold but lucky for you, you have your own personal Mage.”

When Dorian returned to his side the broth was steaming. The thought of food turned Elden’s stomach but he took it anyway so Dorian could wrap his arms around him again.

“When did you have time to get this?” he asked.

“While you were speaking with the Council.”

“Oh,” Elden said guiltily, remembering how he had assumed Dorian had left back then.

“I was anticipating confronting you with it as soon as you were finished, but your meeting ended sooner than I had anticipated.”

Elden held the bowl awkwardly for a moment, and then he and Dorian both seemed to realize at the same time that he didn’t exactly have enough hands for this. Elden saw the flare of panic in Dorian’s eyes and quickly looked away. He felt useless and pathetic. He had known men and women more crippled than he who could still function just fine, and while all Elden wanted to do was crawl back under the covers and never see the light of day again, the last thing he wanted was to for Dorian to see him as helpless. Before Dorian could do or say anything, Elden rested the bowl on his knee and readjusted his grip. Holding the spoon back with his thumb, he tipped the bowl up to his lips and sipped. Luckily Dorian had had the presence of mind not to make it hot enough to burn.

Dorian awkwardly sat up again and retrieved a small bag by the door. He sat down beside Elden and leaned into him slightly. Elden resisted the urge to lie against him again and focused on finishing the soup. When he’d finished he passed the bowl to Dorian and in exchange was handed another potion.

“Courtesy of Vivienne,” Dorian said.

“What are we going to do?” Elden asked suddenly. “How are we going to get through this?”

“We’ll figure it out,” Dorian said firmly. “And the others will help. But first the healers, I think.”

-

Time slipped by in a blur. Elden had no idea how many days he had been locked away in his room but he suspected it wasn’t as many as it felt since Dorian, who had been by his side this entire time, hadn’t suggested going outside yet. Elden still couldn’t help but feel guilty. How much time did they have left? A year? A week? And he was wasting it. Then again for all they knew it could take Solas generations to enact his plan. It was dark out, the moon high in the sky. Elden pulled a blanket around his shoulders and walked to the balcony. It was cold but refreshing after only leaving his bed when he absolutely had to for so long. He leaned forward and breathed deeply, trying to clear the fog around his mind.

Dorian stirred behind him on the bed and propped himself up on an elbow, watching him. “Feeling restless?” he asked.

Elden knew the time for him to finally leave this room was approaching. It was easy here and he wanted to stay forever, but the longer he remained the more he hated himself. Besides, he had seen Dorian reading letters, no doubt from Maevaris or his other contacts in the Imperium. If Elden couldn’t do anything now, at least he shouldn’t hold Dorian back anymore. Elden didn’t know where any of this was going, or even if he could still play a role in it, but no matter how much Elden was dreading it they needed to talk. After steeling himself he returned to the bed, crawling in and curling against Dorian, who immediately wrapped his arms around him.

“I don’t think I can do this anymore,” Elden said after a moment.

“Well, if you wanted to get up and walk around you should have just said so. Or did you strain something?”

“You know what I mean.”

Dorian sighed, obviously just as unwilling to have this conversation as Elden. “You don’t have to. You’ve done more than enough already.”

“You should go before I mess this up for you too.”

Dorian hesitated before he spoke. “What?”

Elden burrowed further into the bed and against Dorian, not wanting to see his face for the next part of the conversation. “You were right. You do need to go back to Tevinter.”

“Do you want me to go?” There was a flippancy in Dorian’s words that chilled Elden to the bone, and he hated himself for causing it.

The silence stretched on too long and he could feel the hesitancy in Dorian, the way his arms around him slackened just a fraction or the way his heart sped up, pounding in his chest near Elden’s ear. He had to say something but he didn’t know how to put it into words. It took him a long time to find any words at all.

“I meant what I said all those years ago. I do want us to be together for as long as possible. It’s selfish, I know, but I don’t know what’s worse: you hating me or just not caring.”

“Are those my only options?” Dorian sounded irritated. He pushed Elden onto his back. Elden reflexively tried to turn away, ashamed, but Dorian gently cupped his face and waited until he met his eyes. “What exactly do you see happening?”

“If you stay you’ll grow to hate me because of what you’d given up. Even if you don’t I’ll hate myself enough for the both of us. But if you go…”

“If I go, I’ll inevitably grow bored? Is that it?”

Elden squeezed his eyes shut. “Dorian, you are strong and brave and you still have so much left to accomplish. I’m not sure there’s anything left for me. You should be with someone who is your equal, not--”

“Maker, you are _such_ an idiot.” Dorian lay down on Elden’s chest, arm around him.

“You fell in love with me when I was shaping the world,” Elden continued almost desperately. “Will you feel the same way if I’m not, if I can’t--”

“I respect what you’ve done, yes, but it’s only in part why I love you. Just because you can’t do something now doesn’t suddenly nullify what you’ve already done. You’re still the same man no matter how it’s changed you. Besides, do you really think I’d pour my father’s fortune into getting those sending crystals if I wasn’t determined to make this work? I mean, yes, I do love spending my father’s money, but I think this goes a bit beyond that.”

“I suppose it’s your fortune now, isn’t it,” Elden said.

 Dorian smiled. ”See? More evidence that I care. I only like to spend recklessly when it isn’t my money.” He sobered and continued, “Look, I know I take nothing seriously if I can help it and being an ass is a specialty of mine, but I am also very good at getting what I want. I love you, and distance isn’t going to change that. And if I stay it’ll be by my own choice. I’m much too arrogant to place false blame on anyone else. We can make this work either way. Just trust me.”

And he did. Elden grasped onto those words as if they were the only thing left in this world he still could believe. No matter the betrayals he had faced or would face, Dorian was always the one person he could trust. Elden knew he had insecurities, always expecting the past to repeat itself and for the worst to happen, but hearing Dorian speak those words helped, releasing some of the pressure constantly threatening to crush Elden. Even with one arm he clung tightly to Dorian.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I know that isn’t fair of me. I love you, and I _do_ trust you.”

“Much better. Now, more importantly, amatus,” Dorian said severely. “If you hide the fact that you’re in pain again I will personally enlist Sera and the Red Jennys to hound you to the end of your days. You _knew_. You knew you were dying for how long? An entire year? And you said nothing. What, were you planning on just letting Josephine write me a letter after you’d exploded? ‘So sorry, Master Pavus, but it appears the Inquisitor has been consumed by the Anchor. Have a pleasant day!’ You bloody idiot.”

“I’m sorry,” Elden said again and looked away guiltily. “I just—there wasn’t anything you could do. I didn’t want to worry you. You had enough to worry about with everything going on in Tevinter.”

“Now you see? That won’t do. Also it’s why you’re an idiot. Stop torturing yourself, trying to do everything alone when you don’t have to. There’s no need for you to constantly play the martyr, particularly with me. Whatever’s coming, we’ll face it together. For now, I want to stay, if you’ll still have me.”

At that, Elden finally found a smile, and if it felt small and shaky, it also felt genuine. “Of course. Always.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was difficult. Thanks to 100indecisions for all the help and advice!


	4. Chapter 4

While it was a relief to see Elden freshly washed and up and about, Dorian still couldn't shake the uneasiness he felt. It had barely been a week since Elden’s life had been torn apart and he still looked so pale, a far-off resigned look in his eyes. It was disturbing to see on someone who was usually so insufferably cheerful. Of course, it was entirely possible that Dorian’s desire to remain locked away in this room together for a bit longer was partly selfish. After all, he’d come much too close to losing Elden this time. He could still feel the sick panic every time he remembered any of it and he didn’t think the painful weight in his gut would ever truly leave. He imagined it was much the same for Elden, only for different reasons, because Elden still couldn't seem to look at his arm. Even now, shirtless as he was, he tried to keep it out of sight. Dorian wanted to take him up in his arms and assure him there was nothing to be ashamed of, but perhaps that was a conversation that could wait. Right now Elden was restless and eager to act and surely that was better than Elden wasting away, refuse to move.  
“So we’re agreed then?” Dorian asked as he threw on his robes. 

“Yeah, I mean, I guess we have a house there now. And keys to the harbor for some reason. And besides, I’ve always wanted to go to Kirkwall.”

“No you haven’t,” Dorian said. “No need to be polite, no one ever wants to go to Kirkwall.”

“They could use the help after everything they’ve been through, at least,” Elden replied, his voice almost toneless, and Dorian’s chest ached at the distracted blank look on his face.

Both of them left out the real reasons Kirkwall would be ideal. After everything that had happened there and how cursed the place seemed to be, Dorian wasn’t exactly keen on it, but at least they would be surrounded by friends and allies. Besides, although it broke Dorian’s heart to think about it, Elden didn’t really have ties anywhere else so their options were low. That, and Elden still needed time to heal. And train. He’d lost his shield arm and Dorian was afraid of what that would do to him beyond his fighting abilities. He hoped that reassuring Elden that he was still perfectly capable of making a difference without his left arm or the Inquisition would help him return to his usual self. Kirkwall definitely could use all the help it could get, so it all worked nicely. Obviously it wasn’t ideal as a long-term solution, but they could figure that out when the time came. Neither of them wanted to talk about that just yet. Dorian couldn’t forget his homeland, but right now Elden needed him more.

Dorian finished clasping the last buckle on his robes and looked up to see that Elden had managed the pants and boots but hesitated as he lifted the jacket. That was going to be a bit trickier with only one arm. Dorian had seen the way Elden looked whenever he came across a new problem, the frustration and the hint of fear like the idiot worried he was becoming useless simply because he needed a little help now and then. Of course that just made Dorian panic even more, wanting to help but unsure how, worried he might just make it worse. Elden looked up and caught his eye but looked away awkwardly.

“Allow me,” Dorian said quickly. 

He swiped the jacket from him and presented it to him with a grand flourish, grinning. Elden ducked his head slightly, looking uncomfortable, but turned around and slipped into it. As Dorian brushed away any wrinkles in the shoulders he leaned in and kissed Elden on the nape of the neck, wrapping his arms around his waist. Even like this he could feel Elden’s heart pounding and he hated it. He needed to do so much more and it killed him that after all Elden had done this was what he got for risking his life over and over again for them all. Holding a shield wasn’t the only thing he’d never be able to do again. Everything was going to be more difficult—and it was selfish but Dorian kept thinking that he would never feel both of Elden’s arms wrapped around him again, or Elden’s hands framing his face. He was glad Elden couldn’t see his face for the sudden flush of shame as he shoved away the thought.

Elden took a deep breath and ran his own hand over Dorian’s. “Ready?” he asked after a moment.

With reluctance Dorian pulled away but took Elden’s hand as he headed for the door. He hesitated as he reached it. It was ridiculous of course, but leaving the room still felt like a huge step, one Dorian wasn’t exactly ready to make just yet. It was cruel, he knew. Elden was the one who had nearly lost everything, so why was Dorian feeling so melodramatic? Well, more so than usual at least. If he was being completely honest he had nearly lost everything as well. He didn’t like to think about just how much Elden meant to him, and the thought of losing him... 

Elden squeezed his hand and Dorian reminded himself that he hadn’t lost him and he would do everything in his power to make sure it never got that close again. The best thing he could do right now was be there for Elden, so he took a deep breath, ignoring the aching in his chest, opened the door, and stepped outside. 

-

“Do you think Josephine will be willing to send our belongings at Skyhold to Kirkwall for us?” Elden asked as they walked down the hallway and into the bright morning sunlight. Dorian couldn’t help but watch him. Out in the sunlight he looked much paler than Dorian had thought. He could still hear Elden’s cries of pain as the mark consumed him and he wanted nothing more than to take Elden back into that room and stay there and damn the world to its fate. It was odd. It was easy enough to continue his self-destructive ways, to rage at his father and Tevinter and use it all to fuel him, but when it was Elden in danger all he wanted to do was hide away somewhere safe. 

But that wasn’t what Elden wanted or needed. And Elden was still alive, and that was all that mattered. He had to keep repeating that over and over again. Elden was alive.

“Of course, but she’d better send the library as well,” Dorian said. He tried to keep things light, tried to push away the perpetual ache in his chest and pretend this was just any other morning. Elden didn’t laugh, though. He didn’t even smile like he usually did. “I haven’t had a chance to read all of them, after all. Besides, I don’t trust anyone to take proper care of them. Maker, how do you suppose they’re doing now? Were the birds starting to roost on the shelves last time you visited?” He was beginning to babble. He knew it wasn’t fair, trying to be so light about all of this when it was Elden who was truly suffering, but he didn’t know what else to do. He didn’t begrudge the numb look in Elden’s eyes. Dorian just felt so useless, desperate to do something to help. 

“You realize I don’t actually know how big the house Varric gave us is,” Elden said. “What if they don’t fit?” 

He was responding, at least. That was something. “Then we’ll be living surrounded by piles of books. It’s a sacrifice that must be made, amatus.”

“Let’s face it, with you that’ll end up happening either way.” 

He wasn’t smiling, but he squeezed Dorian’s hand and leaned into him slightly as they walked, and Dorian had to resist the urge to wrap his arms around him and never let go.


	5. Chapter 5

Once they had discussed their plans with Josephine, Dorian offered to hunt down the rest of their companions to inform them of their plans. He left Elden walking idly in the garden but hesitated as he reached the top of the balcony. He was unwilling to lose sight of him just yet. It was the first time he had left Elden’s side since all of this happened, and now that he was looking from a bit of a distance, he couldn’t help but note how much older and smaller the man looked. It wasn’t the missing arm or his near-perpetual tendency to hunch his shoulders self-consciously. He looked deflated and exhausted. Elden had always smiled so easily, looking so young and full of life. No matter how grim things looked, he could always smile and find something to be insufferably optimistic about. Since all of this, though, it had become much more difficult. There was something disturbing about the hopelessness in Elden’s eyes. Dorian was grateful he wasn’t trying to hide it from him anymore, but seeing him so despondent was nearly as painful.

Dorian’s fists curled tightly and not for the first time he was consumed with the desire to hunt Solas down and kill him for all of this. He knew Elden was determined to prove the worth of all of Thedas and persuade Solas peacefully to stop this madness, but Dorian didn’t care. The fact that Solas had been the cause of all of the torment Elden had suffered was enough of a reason for Dorian to want to end him. He took a deep breath and finally turned away. One thing at a time. The tavern seemed a likely place to start searching for their companions, but before he had gotten more than halfway there Cassandra intercepted him.

“Ah, Cassandra, how convenient,” he said, trying on a smile that felt utterly false.

“How is he?” she asked, obviously concerned.

“Better. He’s in the gardens now.”

Thank the Maker,” Cassandra sighed. “I’m glad to hear he’s up and about. Please let me know if there’s anything I can do.”

“Of course,” Dorian said. They were friends, after all, so of course she would want to help, but he couldn’t help feeling a surge of gratitude nonetheless.

“I wanted to apologize as well,” she said uncomfortably. “I didn’t mean to add to all of the hardship.”

Dorian raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean? You’re not to blame for any of this.”

“Still, it’s because I was foolish enough to listen to Varric,” she said, looking away and blushing slightly. “None of us knew, but I still shouldn’t have said anything.”

“What exactly are you talking about?” Dorian asked, suspicious at how flustered she was.

“I was given the impression that the two of you were to be married,” she said, and Dorian’s blood ran cold. “Naturally I approached Elden about it as soon as he arrived at the Winter Palace. He didn’t know what I was talking about and then we found out you were leaving. I’m sorry.”

Dorian’s stomach turned. So that’s why Elden had chosen to buy a ring now of all times. He must have run off and gotten the ring shortly after talking to Cassandra, and then of course right afterward Dorian had told him of his own plans... Maker, now he felt especially cruel for all of this. He still had the ring in the pocket of his other robes and no idea how to broach the subject with Elden. Honestly, he was surprised Elden could still stand the sight of him after that. As usual Dorian elected to play the coward and save that discussion for later. Much later. Right now it was easier to be angry at Varric. After all, the dwarf had been the first to learn of Dorian’s plans to leave for Tevinter. “I see. And you said Varric gave you that idea, did he?”

“Yes, but—“

“Thank you. Now if you’ll excuse me, I believe I have a dwarf to find.” Dorian stomped off, leaving a confused Cassandra in his wake. He found the dwarf in question at the tavern as expected.

“Sparkler!” Varric exclaimed as Dorian dropped into the seat beside him. “If you’re up and about, does that mean our esteemed leader is as well?”

“Yes, but I’ve just been talking to Cassandra. She had some very interesting things to say. I think we need to have a talk about your choices in mischief-making.”

“What do you mean?” Varric asked apprehensively.

“Elden bought a ring because of what you told Cassandra.”

“Oh.”

“Yes, oh,” Dorian said, his voice clipped. “I sincerely hope you have a good explanation.”

“Shit. I’m sorry,” Varric said, and to his credit, he really did look regretful. “I honestly didn’t know you were leaving at the time. Besides, Elden had been getting that sad puppy look every time someone mentioned you. I figured it was only a matter of time anyway so I thought I’d give him a nudge.”

“Yes, well, he got a bit more than a nudge, didn’t he?” Dorian snapped. But he knew Varric would never intentionally hurt Elden, and the rest of Dorian’s anger fizzled out as he reminded himself that none of this would have happened if he had just spoken with Elden in the first place. He still wasn’t letting Varric completely off the hook, however. “You owe us both now, so you’d better help me make sure neither of us ever sees that sad puppy look again. From this day forward, it’s your life’s mission to help me find something he can do now that the Inquisition is dissolving.”

Varric straightened. “Does that mean he’s coming to Kirkwall?”

“We both are.”

“Well great!” Varric exclaimed. “I’ve already given him a house, that’s a good start, right?”

“ _Start_ ,” Dorian repeated sternly. “For now you can let the others know we’ll probably be leaving in the next day or so.”

“I’m sure everyone will want to have some sort of sendoff. Can you get him to the tavern later tonight?” Varric asked, beginning to smile again.

-

After that Dorian went to see where Elden had gotten himself to. He found Elden in the Chantry and apparently he had gotten a heavy cloak somewhere because he had one thrown over his shoulders with the hood pulled up to hide his face. The disguise would have been laughable if it wasn't so sad. Elden didn’t exactly have many options, after all. He was too well known here, and after his injury—well, there weren’t exactly an abundance of people wandering around with half their arm missing, and a cloak could only hide so much.

Elden’s remaining hand rested on his knee, balled into a tight fist that left his knuckles white, his jaw clenched tightly. He hadn’t exactly talked much about what any of this business had done to his faith, but right now he looked horribly lost. He was usually so comfortable in any Chantry and had once told Dorian that they always felt the same no matter where in Thedas they went. It was more than a little unsettling then to see him like this.

Dorian was fairly certain he couldn't offer any consolation or, Maker forbid, advice. Matters of his own faith were a bit tenuous. Sure he believed, but it wasn’t exactly something he dwelled deeply on. So instead of speaking Dorian entered the Chantry and sat beside him, placing his hand over Elden’s. Surprised out of his concentration, Elden looked up and smiled weakly when he saw who it was. Fragile as it was, the smile still made Dorian feel lightheaded. Elden took his hand in his and leaned into him. They sat like that for a time until Elden seemed satisfied. As they left the Chantry Elden looped his good am through Dorian’s and they strolled through the garden together.

“Unfortunately, it appears we won’t be allowed to leave Orlais unscathed,” Dorian said as they stopped to admire some particularly colorful flowers.

“Oh?”

“Yes, apparently we’re to report to the tavern tonight. I’m afraid drinking with the Iron Bull will be mandatory.”

“Well, we certainly can’t miss that.”

“You know,” Dorian said after a brief silence. He was unwilling to turn the conversation to something more serious, but if he didn’t suggest this now, there might not be a better time. “I don’t know what you were thinking, back there in the Chantry, but if you wanted to talk to someone, Cassandra might be able to offer some advice.”

Elden sighed at being found out. He looked away awkwardly, the hood falling farther over his face, before speaking. “I know. And Sera might be able to help as well. I still believe, I just—I don’t know. It’s harder now. She struggled with this too after the Temple of Mythal.”

“Exactly!” Dorian said a bit too enthusiastically, even if the idea of Sera offering advice seemed a little absurd. He was just relieved Elden wasn’t trying to brush it off. “You have plenty of people willing to help.”

“Sorry, I know I can be frustrating.” And there he was apologizing again. It made Dorian furious and he wrapped an arm protectively around Elden, who took a deep breath before speaking again. “What exactly are we going to do?”

“Go to Kirkwall. We can treat it like a holiday if you like.”

“I mean after that. I’m afraid and I don’t know what we’re supposed to do. We stopped Corypheus but we didn’t really achieve anything. All this time I thought the Maker was guiding us, but he wasn’t. It was Solas manipulating us the whole time. He How can we stop someone that powerful?”

“We’ve stopped near-gods before,” Dorian pointed out. He desperately didn’t want to be having this conversation. He didn’t want to think about the future either. Elden didn’t need to give anymore. He’d done enough—why couldn’t he just rest now?

“We had one fighting at our side,” Elden countered.

“I don’t actually remember Solas being all that useful. Sure, he supposedly stopped the anchor from killing you, but really, that’s the least he could do after causing this mess in the first place.” He tried to be light again but he knew that wasn’t how Elden worked. Elden needed to push and to help people. Dorian sighed before he continued. “But really, we’ll be fine. We’ll figure this out. It’ll look to him like we’re going our separate ways but we can use the time that buys us to get information. Of course that means we’ll all have to stop by Kirkwall now and then under the guise of visiting to report to you what we’ve found.”

“To me?” Elden asked, surprised. “Shouldn’t we all be giving whatever information we find to Leliana? She may be the Divine now, but she was still the spymaster.”

“Nonsense, she’ll have her own business to keep track of. Besides, even without the Inquisition everyone will always see you as the leader of this little endeavor.” And Elden needed not to become isolated, needed to keep ties with the friends he might otherwise think he was bothering if they didn’t have practical reasons to visit him.

“Maker, we really are doomed, aren’t we?” Elden said, but he said it lightly and without bitterness as he rested his head against Dorian’s shoulder.

“Let’s face it,” Doiran said. “Everyone just wants an excuse to stop by and visit you.” That won him a weak chuckle. Dorian turned to him and lowered the hood so he could see Elden’s face. His eyes were red but didn’t seem quite so hopeless as before. “Where on earth did you get this ghastly thing anyway?”

“I ran into Sera while you were gone. People were staring so she gave it to me.”

Dorian could see the uneasiness seeping back in so he stroked the side of Elden’s face and leaned in, kissing him gently. When Dorian pulled away he couldn’t help but watch him for a moment longer. Elden had a small hesitant smile tugging at his lips and he looked away awkwardly as Dorian failed to hide the warm affection rising in his chest. But Elden was alive and that was all that really mattered. Maker, he was getting sappy. Elden was a bad influence on him.

“Can we walk around a bit more?” Elden asked, no doubt trying to distract from the warm flush rising in his cheeks. “I don’t think I’ve ever just been able to enjoy anywhere we’ve visited before. There was always somewhere else I had to rush off to.”

“We certainly have the time now. Anything in particular you have your heart set on?”

“Before you arrived Josephine took me to the opera. It’s a bit loud, but it was fun. Want to go?”

“I’d love to, amatus.”

Elden’s answering smile was still hesitant and strained, but any smile Dorian could elicit from him felt like a victory. Whatever awaited them, Dorian was determined to fight tooth and nail for this man’s happiness, and if he had to fight a would-be god as well as his homeland, so be it.


	6. Chapter 6

Elden was stretched out on the bench, or at least as much as he could in the unfortunately narrow carriage, with his head in Dorian’s lap. He had a far-off look in his eyes as he stared out the window, and Dorian didn’t like the way his brow furrowed. He ran his fingers idly through Elden’s hair, just hoping to soothe whatever thoughts were tormenting him. Not for the first time, he wondered if leaving Orlais so soon was wise. Elden was still weak after everything, and Dorian couldn’t help but worry that this journey would worsen his condition. After all, Elden was known for pushing himself much too hard. Then again, maybe that was just the selfish part of Dorian grasping at excuses, wanting to stay hidden away together where no difficult choices needed to be made. But of course time wasn’t going to wait for Dorian to catch up. It never did.

“I don’t really remember everything that Solas said,” Elden said suddenly, but he continued to look out of the window.

“Yes, I was a bit distracted myself,” Dorian said, trying not to remember the fear and the panic and Maker, would he ever be able to forget what Elden sounded like when he cried out in agony? “Was there something specific you were trying to recall?”

“The way he was talking—it sounded like I only had a few years left.”

“I imagine that’s how long he thinks this little plan of his will take to execute.” For however reliable that was. Solas was so old who knows if he had an accurate handle on the passage of time.

“Or removing the arm only slowed the Anchor down and it’s still killing me.”

It felt like Dorian had been punched in the stomach, all the air leaving him at once. The words were spoken far too casually, and it made Dorian feel ill as he tried to steady himself. He felt like he was falling but he tried to keep his breathing calm, to sound reassuring. “Does it hurt?”

“I don’t know, it’s a bit odd. I can sort of feel it there still, like it should hurt, but like the pain was in a dream and now that I’m awake it’s fading away as I concentrate on it.” Elden spoke as if it was a curiosity, not the horror it actually was, as if he had grown all too accustomed to the possibility of his inevitable death.

Dorian wanted to find Solas immediately and strangle him for causing all of this, for putting this man through yet more tortures. Dorian had never expected to live a long life anyway, but Elden… Elden deserved so much better than this and Dorian couldn’t he just couldn’t— _Please outlive me, I can’t watch you die._ There had been too many near-deaths through all of this and Dorian wasn’t sure he could take another. Yes, it was selfish, but Dorian never claimed to be otherwise.

He prided himself on his ability to hide his true feelings. It was a requirement if you planned on living for any length of time in Tevinter, after all. Unfortunately, Elden had a frustrating habit of always seeing past that and he must have done so now, because he sat up and wrapped his arm around him and Dorian cursed himself because as usual Elden was comforting him when it should be the other way around. If the mark truly was still killing him, this time Dorian wouldn’t waste it. This time they would spend the time together instead of wasting it in silence because of useless pride. He wrapped his arms tightly around Elden, determined never to let go.

“We’ll figure this out,” he said, as much to himself as Elden.

“I’m sorry,” Elden said. “I know this must be hard for you as well.”

Dorian squeezed his eyes shut. He had been trying to ignore it all, but he couldn’t any longer. He could feel the fear and anger and desperation all rising to the surface again. He wanted to stop it, but he could feel Elden’s strong arm around his waist and even though there was only one it still felt just as sturdy and comforting as it always had. Dorian couldn’t help but cling to him, burying his face in Elden’s shoulder.

“Don’t you ever do that to me again,” Dorian said, and for once he didn’t care that his voice shook. “I can’t lose you. And if I find out you’re hiding something like that from me again I’ll kill you myself.”

“I won’t,” Elden said. “I won’t.”

Dorian kept telling himself that Elden was alive. They were both alive. By all rights one or both of them should be dead but they were alive and, Maker, he would make sure Elden was happy for whatever time they had left.

-

With the destruction Kirkwall had suffered during the mage rebellion, it looked even worse than Dorian remembered, which was frankly impressive. Elden was rather somber for the remainder of the trip after the first sight of the city, but luckily Hightown was in better shape. The place Varric had given them was a little two-story building and Dorian was immediately underwhelmed by how small and common it looked, particularly when compared with the larger, grander homes that it was wedged between. Varric left them there with promises to give them a proper tour of the city after they had had time to settle in.

Already unimpressed, Dorian led the way inside. Their things had arrived ahead of them but the main room still looked under-furnished. It also somehow managed to look cramped at the same time, although Dorian couldn’t help but compare it to Elden’s old quarters at Skyhold. Nothing would ever really be good enough when it came to Elden, and Dorian had to admit that he had been picturing something more along the lines of marble and gold instead of wood and brass, but any shortcomings the place had immediately left Dorian’s mind when he turned to watch Elden as he explored. There was a spark in Elden’s eye that Dorian hadn’t seen in much too long and he looked pleased.

“It’s perfect,” Elden said in a dreamy voice as he made his way out through a back door and into a small private garden in full bloom.

Dorian sighed, but he couldn’t help grinning. Elden hadn’t truly seemed so content in a painfully long time, and really, that was the important part. No doubt he considered the place homey or, Maker forbid, _quaint_. Or perhaps having a place to call his own, to belong, and knowing that this place was theirs and theirs alone was enough. Dorian took another look at their things stacked haphazardly together and supposed there was a point to be made there. Either way he definitely needed to buy Varric a drink.

Dorian only had eyes for Elden as he followed him out into the little garden. He realized that neither of them had ever expected to have anything like this, a home with someone they loved and nothing to hide. It felt like they had achieved the impossible and once again Dorian was overwhelmed with how truly lucky they were to be alive and together after everything. He loved this man so much and all he wanted to do was hold onto this moment, to hold onto Elden and know that, at least right now, everything was going to be fine. They’d barely explored half the house, but Dorian couldn’t wait any longer. He grabbed Elden’s hand, pulled him into a tight embrace, and kissed him.

“As long as you like it, amatus,” he said, letting his fingers weave through Elden’s hair.

“Does this mean you don’t?” Elden asked, leaning in for another brief kiss.

“I think I need to see a bit more of it before any conclusions can be made. Most importantly, I think we should investigate the bedroom.”

“You realize Varric is planning on stopping by later,” Elden said, but he failed to hide the smile tugging at his lips.

“We have more than enough time.”

Elden rolled his eyes, but took Dorian’s hand and lead him back into the house. “I don’t know, perhaps we should tell him to come back tomorrow. We have a lot of house left to explore. What if it’s a big bedroom?”

Dorian could feel his smile broadening. “Have I mentioned lately that I love the way you think?”

-

Sleep eluded Dorian as he lay there in the dark, mind racing. There were so many things that needed to be done, seeing to their safety at the top of the list. Even though Elden was no longer the Inquisitor, it was always possible someone could still be after his life. Sure, Varric had assured them that he would take every precaution, but Dorian wouldn’t rest easily until he had seen it for himself. Then of course there was Elden himself. He needed something to do, to occupy his time as well as reassure himself that he had a place and could still make a difference, but he was weakened from their journey and Dorian wasn’t sure what should be done first. Then there was the fact that they owned a house and would have to do all of the things required of homeowners. Elden had plenty of coin so they could probably hire a servant or two, but after seeing how easily spies had infiltrated the Inquisition the idea made him uneasy.

Dorian sighed. There was just too much to think about right now, and this wasn’t helping. He was pressed up against Elden’s back, arm around his chest, and he shifted a little to hold him more securely. He had thought Elden had fallen asleep long ago, but he shifted as well and took Dorian’s hand, squeezing it gently.

“Do me a favor,” Elden said, and his voice sounded much too sober in the silence. “Don’t let me sleep in tomorrow.”

“If you’re tired, no one would blame you if—” Dorian began, feeling uneasy.

“It’s not that. I am tired, but not like that. It would be easy to sleep in, but I think I would do it more and more until I just stopped getting up entirely and I’m not sure I’d be strong enough to get out of bed at all then. It’s happened before. It’s just… It’s hard. I’m sorry.”

“I thought I told you to stop apologizing?” Dorian said with a frustrated sigh. Before? Maker, what did that mean? He couldn’t be asking questions and dredging up old pain right now so he filed that away for later. For now, he leaned forward, resting his forehead against Elden’s shoulder as if he could give him whatever strength he could from the contact. Elden had been so strong for so long, surely he could finally rest, finally be weak, for a change. Dorian didn’t know how to put any of it into words, so instead he said, “What do you want for breakfast?”

“What, are you going to cook?” Elden asked, sounding amused, and some of the tightness in Dorian’s chest lessened.

“Are you doubting my abilities?”

“I think I might be, yes,” Elden said, and Dorian could hear his smile.

“Such insolence!” Dorian said in mock affront.

“You’ll just have to cook an amazing meal and prove me wrong,” Elden said, briefly raising Dorian’s hand to his lips.

“Or I could make you cook. I don’t think you deserve to sample my culinary talents now.”

“Or we could make something together?” Elden sounded so hopeful; how could he say no to that? Dorian sighed, a bit more theatrically than was necessary.

“Fine, fine,” he said, placing a kiss on Elden’s shoulder.

“I love you,” Elden murmured.

“Yes, now hurry up and go to sleep, amatus,” Dorian said impatiently. After a moment, he added in a quieter voice, “I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first time I played through Trespasser I got the impression that the Inquisitor was still dying even after Solas removed the mark. The second time I didn't really get that impression so I was probably just paranoid but it's still a possibility that they needed to discuss. Anyway, now that they're in Kirkwall I want to write lots of fluff so I'm going to be creating a separate fic filled with random domestic nonsense that isn't going to make it into this fic. I'll link it with the next chapter but it'll still be under the Inquisitor Elden series


	7. Chapter 7

It was amazing how quickly they fell into a routine together. Of course they had shared Elden’s quarters at Skyhold more often than not, but this felt different. They were actually living together, truly sharing space that only belonged to the two of them. It was nice after being apart so long. Elden had expected Dorian to grow bored of the simple life, as it were, but he seemed to be particularly enjoying their time together. He had his books and his research and now that they knew Solas’ plans he had an idea where to start. Unfortunately, he had stopped reading Maevaris’ letters from Tevinter, which worried Elden. He was able to gather that talks of a replacement for Dorian’s father had been put more or less on hold for the time being, but Dorian was unwilling to discuss it further so for the moment Elden let it go. 

Even as he enjoyed their routine, relaxing in the garden or in front of the hearth together, Elden was growing increasingly frustrated with himself. Their travels had drained him, and having to relearn even the simplest tasks now that he only had one arm was eating at his nerves. Varric had thought to send him the reconstruction plans for Lowtown, remembering how Elden had helped with the repairs to Skyhold, and that at least gave him something to occupy his time. He was actually pretty good at this sort of thing, making alterations to the current designs to make it safer as well as cheaper to construct. It was the only area he had excelled at during his studies back at Ostwick, but it wasn’t enough. He still couldn’t help but feel useless. He had been the Inquisitor not too long ago, and now he could barely hold the paper still with his left elbow while he drew. Everything took him more time than it ever should and it was so frustrating. What good was he like this? Would he ever be able to function properly again, or was this all he would ever be able to achieve?

Elden tried to push it all out of his mind, to try to make do. There was no replacing his hand, after all, but he still couldn’t bring himself to look at it. It just hung there uselessly at his side like something foreign and unfamiliar, like it didn’t belong to him anymore, and he could feel everything building up within him. He knew if he carried on like this he would eventually snap, and he couldn’t. He just couldn’t. He buried the anger and frustration like he always did, refusing to let himself feel any of it.

It was inevitable that he would eventually slip up. He kept reaching for things with a left hand that was no longer there, and as he did so now to lean against a table he stumbled, hitting the edge hard. He cursed, biting his cheek to try to stop himself from saying anything more. 

“My my, I haven’t heard you use language like that in some time.” Dorian was suddenly there, moving to his side to help him up. 

Elden didn’t want to be helped. He jerked his arm out of Dorian’s grip, then looked away guiltily.

“I’m sorry,” he sighed. “It’s just this fucking—“ He stopped himself and shook his head. This wasn’t helping anything. He needed to get a hold of himself.

“Go ahead,” Dorian said. He didn’t seem at all concerned by the outburst, but Elden still couldn’t help the guilty heat rising in his face. “Stop trying to bury it all. You should be angry. You should be furious. You lost your arm. Lash out, you’ll feel better.”

“I can’t,” Elden said, turning away. He wanted to leave, to be alone until he could calm down, but Dorian stopped him.

“Why not?”

“I just—” Elden began. He didn’t know what to say. He remembered his older brother, domineering and cruel and always angry. Elden never wanted to be like him. He never wanted to hurt anyone and he never wanted to cause anyone to flinch the way he had at his brother’s rage. Eventually Elden had grown bigger than him but that didn’t change anything. It just made Elden even more aware of how easy it would be for him to hurt or frighten someone. “That’s not who I want to be,” he finished lamely, unable to meet Dorian’s gaze.

Dorian’s eyebrows rose. “If you haven’t noticed, I tend to yell a lot. What’s the problem? What are you afraid of?”

“I don’t want to lose you.”

Dorian stared at him for a long moment before he actually started laughing. Startled, Elden could only stare, his face burning again with no idea what to say, and Dorian raised a placating hand.

“Sorry, sorry,” Dorian said as he recovered. “Are you seriously worried you’ll frighten me? I’m sorry, it’s just—yes, you were the Inquisitor and you’re very good at killing large amounts of people but you’re not exactly a very threatening person. A least not to your allies.” He reached out and gently tipped Elden’s chin up so their eyes would meet. “You’re many things, Elden, but you certainly aren’t that. You’re the farthest thing from it. So go ahead and feel free to shout. I’ll let you know if your Inquisitor-ness is showing through and making me quiver in my boots. So talk to me. What’s wrong?”

While he appreciated it, Elden still couldn’t be angry. He didn’t want to be angry. He was just so tired. “It’s just frustrating,” he admitted, leaning forward into Dorian’s touch. “Everything is harder. Every time I think I’m doing better, something like this happens.”

“Kaffas,” Dorian cursed quietly, kissing his forehead. “Stop pushing so hard. You don’t always have to do everything yourself. Give yourself time to heal.”

“I’ll always only have one hand, that’s not going to change. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do now. What I can do now.”

“My understanding is that you’re helping Varric immensely with the repairs.”

“Is this it, then? Is that all I’ll ever be able to do?”

“No, you weren’t made to sit around with your nose in a book. You should go down to Lowtown and help with the construction.”

Elden laughed bitterly. “What am I supposed to do with only one arm?” 

“Really, Elden, even with one arm you’re still stronger than most. Not the Guard-Captain, but I’m fairly certain she could arm wrestle a dragon and win. And even if you don’t feel like getting your hands dirty you could at least make sure they are implementing your plans correctly. I couldn’t make heads nor tails of your drawings and I doubt this hellhole of a city could produce anyone with your level of architectural knowledge. Particularly since the intelligent part of the population has long since left.”  
“I’m sorry, I keep doing this. I just— I don’t know what to do with myself. I never expected to survive all this. I should have died so many times and I just never planned this far ahead.” 

“That’s enough,” Dorian said, wrapping his arms around his waist. “You’re doing fine. You don’t have to do anything right this second. Just help Kirkwall for now. If you feel like saving the world again later I’m sure something will fall into your lap. You’re apparently good at attracting all sorts who want you to solve their problems for them.”

Elden leaned forward, resting his forehead on Dorian’s shoulder, clinging to him as if he was afraid of falling. “I suppose,” he said doubtfully.

Dorian smoothed the hair away from Elden’s forehead. “Right then, Varric and the others will be stopping by later tonight for a game of Wicked Grace. We can discuss it then. For now, how do you feel about putting a practice dummy in the garden?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Well, you haven’t exactly been particularly active since we arrived and it is usually your go-to activity when there are no demons to bash. Besides, it’s been a while since I watched you practice.”

“Oh, I see how it is,” Elden said with a little laugh. “You’re just bored and you want me to put on a show.”

“Can you blame me?” Dorian replied with a grin as he leaned in to kiss him.

Honestly, Elden was a little apprehensive about picking up a sword again. How would he manage without a shield? It was so ingrained into his fighting style that he could barely imagine going without. But Dorian was right. He was starting to get soft and he needed something to keep him moving.

-

Somehow Elden had talked Dorian out of accompanying him to the construction site despite how nervous he obviously was. After all, this was what Elden wanted to do, and what Dorian wanted to do was go through the missives that had just arrived from Divine Victoria. The Guard-Captain’s men would be all over the area and it wasn’t like he was going into the Deep Roads or anything, so Dorian had relented. This meant that he had spent most of the day staring out the window like a worried hen rather than actually getting much of anything done. It was rather pathetic. Dorian had, however, decided to at least show up at the end of the day just in case.

Lowtown was even worse than he had thought it would be from the brief view they had had on their ride in. Rubble still littered the streets and it was obvious the construction crew had their work cut out for them. Luckily they were fairly easy to locate. It was hard to miss all of the men and woman running around carrying stone and pulling on ropes and whatever else it was they were supposed to be doing. He caught sight of Elden walking around, supervising and giving instructions to the workers. Apparently Dorian had guessed correctly and they were indeed benefiting from Elden’s insight. It always amused him how hesitant Elden always was to lead and yet when it came right down to it he would willingly do so if necessary. Dorian couldn’t help but smile fondly as he watched Elden work.

He was shaken from his thoughts by a loud snap and the creak of wood as a rope holding up a pallet filled with slabs of stone nearly tipped its contents several stories onto the workers below. Dorian stepped forward, quickly summoning up his magic. He was ready to gently lower it all the ground, this city’s fear of magic be damned, but Elden was quicker. He grabbed the remaining rope two workers were struggling to hold and heaved. Together he and the others were able to pull it back up to the higher platform where more workers were able to pull it back on solid ground. 

Dorian sighed in relief and sagged against the building beside him. A proud smile tugged at his lips as he watched the workers cheer and slap Elden on the back. After that Elden started aiding the workers when needed, pulling ropes and lifting beams and whatever else he could manage. Even with one arm he was still managing to do the work of two men. Dorian leaned against a nearby building and just watched, feeling a swell of pride. 

When they finally began wrapping up for the day, Elden went over to a table and joined a handful of men and women who were no doubt the other architects. The group pored over the charts for a time until they finally called it a day. As Elden gathered up his belongings he spotted Dorian and hurried over. He was grinning, hair mussed and shirt partly open, and Dorian couldn’t help another fond smile of his own.

“Well done,” Dorian said. “And I see you couldn’t help but show off a little as well.”

“What?” Elden asked.

“I’m not complaining. It’s a very nice view.”

Elden blushed scarlet until it crept to the tips of his ears in that adorable way it tended to, and Dorian grinned even wider. 

“It was getting warm,” he said sheepishly, quickly buttoning his shirt back up.

“Yes, well, I haven’t seen you all day and I’d like to go somewhere where that view can be properly appreciated.”

He took Elden’s hand and the two of them began the walk back home. Home. Dorian had never truly thought about what that word truly meant, mostly because all his life he had been trying to get away from his own home, away from his family. What he had with Elden was different. This was what a home was truly supposed to be and he had no words for how right it all felt. It was so natural and easy. 

He absently brought Elden’s hand up to his lips as he listened to Elden talk about what they had been working on all day. It sounded like they had plenty more to do, but he could see the passion in Elden and knew without a doubt that this was what he needed to be doing. He looked so alive in a way he hadn’t in a very long time, and Dorian was so proud of him. It felt like things were finally going right for a change. They were going to be fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter took me so long! Just so everyone knows, I am going to be starting a stand-alone fic of stuff that doesn't quite fit with the flow of this fic. It'll mostly be domestic fluff of them just hanging out in Kirkwall with no real plot because I wanted more of that but didn't want to mess up the pacing of this fic. For those familiar with it, it'll be similar to Worth the Risk so each chapter will be more-or-less standalone. It'll be titled Mutual Domesticity and part of the Inquisitor Elden series


	8. Chapter 8

Dorian was lying across the couch, head in Elden’s lap. It was dark outside, but the room was warm and pleasant, lit only by a few strategically placed candles and the fireplace. Dorian had a book held up in front of him, but more often than not he found his eyes wandering upward to Elden instead, watching the way the firelight played across his handsome features, his freckles standing out adorably. He was reading a book of his own and looked so content and relaxed, the stress that had been weighing on him since the day they had met finally lessening enough to allow him to breathe. He didn’t always look this way, of course. Sometimes his jaw clenched too tightly, which was odd to see on someone who nearly always smiled, or the weariness and the weight of what was to come would seep back in and threaten to crush him again. Right now, however, Elden was content and happy and it melted Dorian’s heart to see.

Being here together like this was all so disgustingly domestic. It was something he had believed all his life would be denied him and when Dorian thought about it, he couldn’t help but be amazed at all they had survived in order to get to this point. Particularly Elden. What he had been through would have killed most men and yet here he was, still fighting, and Dorian couldn’t help but be so proud of him. He’d even taken up the sword again, practicing with the guard-captain, and was making great progress. He had been forced to relearn how to do everything now that he only had one hand, and really, if it had been Dorian, he would have snapped and burned something down by now.

He reached up, running his fingers idly along Elden’s left arm, eliciting an appreciative sigh. Dorian knew the arm still ached sometimes, probably more than Elden let on, and he wished he could do more. At least Elden could look at it now. For the longest time he seemed to be repulsed by it, but it was just his arm and he finally seemed to be growing used to it, utilizing it like any limb. Right now he was using it to rub gentle circles on Dorian’s scalp. Just another reason to be so proud of Elden.

Overwhelmed by the moment, he sat up and wrapped his arms around Elden’s neck. Elden set aside his book and looked at him curiously, grin tugging at his lips. Dorian kissed him soundly, his own book dropping behind the couch somewhere. Elden responded eagerly, wrapping his arms around him as well, and when they finally drew apart they were both out of breath.

“What was that for?” Elden asked with a breathless laugh.

“What can I say?” Dorian said, matching his smile. “It was a boring book.”

Before either of them could say or do anything else, they heard a faint thump and a muffled curse from upstairs. They both froze, then Dorian quickly scrambled off of Elden and the two of them rose and headed cautiously towards the stairs. Dorian kept a staff nearby in just such an emergency and Elden pulled a dagger out of his boot. After exchanging glances, Elden led the way upstairs. At the top Dorian brought the lanterns placed in the hallway and rooms flaring to life, both of them ready to strike whoever had been foolish enough to break into their home. The sight that greeted them was not what they had expected at all.

“Oh hey, there you are,” Sera said, leaning against a wall with one hand and grasping her foot with the other. “You really shouldn't leave so much crap lying around.” She gestured pointedly at one of the many stacks of books as she lowered her foot.

“What—” Elden began, confused but smiling.

“Stubbed my toe,” she said straightening. “But never mind that, I’ve come to get you!”

“You’ve come to--” Dorian started to say, but he was interrupted as well.

“Leliana, Cassandra, and Harding are all here. It looks like Varric has people watching your street, but it’s supposed to be a secret that they’re all here so I had to sneak past them. We’ve gotta sneak back now though so hurry up! Nice seeing you both again by the way.”

They were both a little stunned, but Elden smiled. “It’s great to see you, Sera.”

They were a bit too caught up in the moment to press for more information. They both donned their cloaks and followed Sera out the back window. She swung over onto the tree in their back yard and jumped down into the alleyway beyond. Luckily it was a very sturdy tree and held Elden’s weight easily so he and Dorian managed to follow with minimal difficulties. From there Sera had apparently memorized the guard’s patrols and they managed to avoid them without incident. The major flaw in their guard rotation would have alarmed Dorian more if he had actually been paying attention. It was obvious Elden was enjoying this sudden adventure and Dorian couldn’t help but grin as he watched him. It felt like it had been a long time since they had had any excitement like this and Dorian had to admit that he was enjoying himself as well.

Eventually they arrived at what looked like an abandoned warehouse. Several men and women wearing heavy dark cloaks were milling about the area but parted as Sera approached. Inside was a large table with a map spread out on it and Dorian immediately felt like he was back at Skyhold. Elden even carried himself differently, as if he were preparing himself to resume the duties of Inquisitor if necessary. Dorian’s excitement drained from him at the sight, replaced with a heavy weight, a reminder that their work wasn’t done.

“Inquisitor, Dorian, it’s good to see you both,” Cassandra said as she entered, followed by Harding and Leliana. Leliana was wearing her usual clothes again instead of her Chantry robes.

“It’s just Elden now,” Elden replied with a smile. “It’s so good to see you all. But Leliana, are you sure it’s safe for you to be here? We’ve heard about the assassination attempts.”

Leliana laughed and brushed his concern aside. “Thanks to the Friends of Red Jenny and my own spy network I’ve been able to travel in secret. There’s no need to worry. For now we should get down to business.”

“Yes, I imagine this isn’t a social visit, considering we’re meeting in the dead of night in secret,” Dorian said.

“My agents have found nothing on Solas,” Leliana began. “With the Eluvians he could be anywhere. However, we have been able to track some of his spies.”

“It seems they’ve been popping up in and around Tevinter recently,” Harding continued. “Whatever’s going to happen, it seems that’s the place to be.”

“Considering our ties with ancient elven magic,” Dorian said, “he could be looking for another artifact.”

“We have to make sure he doesn’t find anything, then,” Elden said, jaw set as he studied the map. “We’ve been waiting around for him to make a move. Perhaps it’s time we started pushing back.”

“With the Inquisition officially disbanded we have no army, no formal alliances,” Cassandra said. “We will need to be careful.”

“We have what we truly need,” Leliana said. “But Solas knows everything about us. Who we are, how we work, our strengths and weaknesses.”

“Then we find people he doesn’t know,” Elden said and Dorian could see the determination in the intensity of his gaze. “We will save our friend from himself, if we can.” Elden brought his dagger down, driving it into the table where Tevinter was marked on the map, startling all of them. Perhaps it shouldn’t have though. Elden protected his friends with a ferocity that they had all witnessed at some point. Considering what Solas had done, what he was still planning to do, it only made sense that he would be so determined to stop him. Of course this meant that things were moving again and Dorian wasn’t sure he was ready for that. He didn’t want to think about what this could mean not only for them on the “us” front but also for Elden’s safety.

“My, Elden,” Dorian said instead. Teasing and levity were easier. “Was that strictly necessary?”

“What?” Elden looked between Dorian and the map and his eyes went wide with horror. “Oh, I’m so sorry! I don’t know what came over me!”

“Really, its fine,” Cassandra said, confused, as Leliana started laughing.

“No! Do you have any idea how long it takes a cartographer to make a map of this size?”

-

With as little information as they had, there wasn’t really much to discuss. Dorian was able to offer some insight but the only real conclusion was that Leliana and Harding would continue to monitor the situation. Dorian couldn’t help but notice that Elden carefully avoided committing to anything personally. Perhaps he was waiting to talk to Dorian in private first. They returned to the house in a heavy silence and Dorian kept waiting for Elden to bring it up, but he never did. Perhaps he was waiting, allowing Dorian to be the one to broach the subject, but he didn’t either. Instead they ended the night in awkward silence, both consumed by their own thoughts.

Neither of them said anything the next morning either. After he had seen Elden off to Lowtown, Dorian could feel the uneasiness and uncertainty starting to get to him. He couldn’t help but realize that there wasn’t actually much for him to do here. Now he was the one growing restless, trapped in a city that hated magic with nothing to really research because when it came right down to it none of them had any idea how Solas was going to execute his plan. Sure, Dorian could just go back to researching the Fade in general, but he’d already gone through most of those books. Now more than ever he was needed in Tevinter, and yet how could he leave now after everything? And what would happen to Elden if he did? Then again maybe it would be better to just go and get this over with. If everything was going to fall apart he would rather sooner than later.

It didn’t take Dorian long to start rearranging whole sections of his library just for something to do. From there it was only a matter of time before he moved on to cleaning the entire house. Unfortunately, that mindless task left him free to stew. He couldn’t help but go back over the events that had led up to them being here together. All of his shortcomings, times he should have done more, and all of the cruel things he had done or said out of cowardice. Had he done enough? Had they spent their time together here as they should? Had Dorian helped at all? He didn’t even notice when Elden returned, so caught up in his own thoughts.

“Is everything all right?” Elden asked, eyebrows raised in concern.

“Of course, perfectly fine,” Dorian said from his precarious perch on the arm of a chair as he dusted the top of a bookshelf.

“I just—you seem a little...restless.”

“I’m fine.” Dorian leapt down and moved to a stack of books that still needed to be reshelved.

“Really?” Elden asked warily.

Dorian sighed. This wasn’t helping. Dorian was on edge, but he shouldn’t be taking it out on Elden. He needed to get all of this off his chest. “It’s occurs to me that I owe you an apology,” he said, finally setting down the books and turning to look at Elden.

“What? Why?”

“For what happened at the Winter Palace. For being an ass. For springing the whole Magister business on you the way that I did, simply telling you without actually talking to you about it.”

“Never mind all that, it’s over.”

“Just like that?” Dorian said, staring at him. “None of it matters?”

Elden spread his hands. “Dorian, you’re here now. That’s what matters.”

“And now that the time has come for me to leave again?” Dorian prompted. It felt cruel, but he had to. A part of him still wanted to avoid all this, as if not talking about it meant nothing could change. But that wasn’t how it worked.

“We’re talking about it now, right?”Elden said, hesitantly taking his hand. Maker, why was this blasted man so damn kind? Sometimes Dorian wished he would just get angry for once. Dorian would know how to react to that. “It’s fine if you’re bored. We’re in Kirkwall of all places. This was never meant to be permanent, remember?”

Dorian reached up and brushed a strand of hair away from Elden's face. “Are you really okay with this?” He felt like he needed to keep pushing, to make sure this really was possible. He had been the one to tell Elden that they would be fine, so why did he feel like everything was falling apart now?

Elden leaned in and kissed him gently. "I don’t want to watch you tear yourself up over this just as much as you don’t want to feel like you’re abandoning me. You’re not. You can have both. I want this too. I want to watch you save your homeland and I want to do what I can here to help Varric rebuild. And I would like to do what I can to help Leliana with the Chantry. We can still be together even if our work drives us apart for a time. Let's try to do this for both our sakes. It won't be so hard this time thanks to the sending crystals. Besides, it doesn’t have to be permanent.”

Dorian sighed as he leaned forward, resting his forehead against Elden’s. “If I go, I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to come back.”

“I know,” Elden said. “I can always come to Tevinter, though.”

“You know you can’t,” Dorian said, closing his eyes tightly, knowing where this conversation was going and desperately wanting to stop it.

Elden pulled back and studied his face for a long moment. Instead of anger or frustration or any of the other things Dorian expected to see, he saw sympathy.

“I’m sorry about your father.” Dorian definitely didn’t want to have that conversation. He pulled away, looking everywhere but at Elden, avoiding his gaze. “I’m sorry the two of you were never able to talk.”

“I’m not,” Dorian snapped. “And I believe we’ve already discussed this.”

“That’s why you don’t want me to come, right? Because if they could get to him, they’d be able to get to me.” Damn it, why did he have to be so astute? “But what am I supposed to do? Just sit here and wait for news that you’ve been killed?”

“You’re so certain that I’ll die?” Dorian began, but Elden cut him off.

“You’re so certain I will. What do you expect me to do if they kill you and I didn’t even try to help you? Just continue along saving the world despite itself?”

There was a hard note in Elden’s voice and Dorian’s head snapped up, finally meeting his gaze, searching for the reason for it. He could see a darkness there that he’d never seen before. It was cold and angry and so, so tired. Dorian recalled Solas and what he had said. He had talked about Mythal trying to save a people who didn’t even want to be saved, and they’d killed her for it. My, Dorian was getting even more egotistical than usual comparing himself to a supposed god, but he knew Elden was thinking it too. Could Elden really give up on the world? Decide it wasn’t worth it after all and wipe it all away like Solas? But then Elden blinked, and that shadow was gone and he was just himself again.

“I don’t know what I’d do, but I know I need to be out there, doing what I can for all of you, with all of you.”

“So what’s the answer then? We just both die together? If they know you’re there with me--” Dorian began, his voice traitorously unsteady.

“That’s the best part,” Elden said, and that mischievous grin of his lit up his entire face. “They won’t.”

“Amatus, I hate to break it to you, but you are much too big to go about overlooked.”

“I can at least visit you in secret. We know plenty of people who could get me in and out of the city unseen. We can figure out something more permanent once you’ve settled in.”

“I guess I should get packing then,” Dorian said. It was odd. He’d spent their time here refusing to think about this moment, and now that it was here he didn’t really know what to feel. He trusted Elden, of course, but there was still a part of him that wondered how long it would be before he grew bored of their arrangement. He bit his lip and said nothing. Elden was the one who was being left behind. This was Dorian’s idea after all. It wasn’t right to make Elden comfort him.

“Well,” Elden said, taking Dorian’s hand again. “No one said you had to leave right this second. Come on, It’s my turn to cook dinner.”

“Oh no you don’t,” Dorian said. “If I’m going to be leaving you should at least have one decent meal before I go.”

“Rude,” Elden laughed. “My cooking isn’t that bad!”

Dorian shook his head, smiling. "I have no idea how you manage to make it all so bland! It really shouldn't be possible." He reminded himself that they still had the sending crystals. And Elden was a frustratingly stubborn man when he wanted to be. Perhaps they still had a chance.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was time for Dorian to return to Tevinter

Elden wasn’t going to fall asleep anytime soon. His mind was racing, trying to think of all the things he should say to Dorian before he left in the morning. He wanted to reassure and be reassured in return that they could do this, but they had already talked the situation to death over the last week. Now that their time was almost up, he was worried he was forgetting something. More than anything though the thing that made his stomach turn the most was the amount of danger Dorian would be walking into. What use would Elden be to Dorian, so far away? And even if he did go to Tevinter with him, what could a warrior, a champion, do among mages? Would he be more of a burden than anything?

He tried to tell himself that he still had time to work it all out. Sera was still in town. He could work with her to try to become better at blending in, perhaps learn a few tricks from the Friends of Red Jenny. Then if he did go to help Leliana, she might be able to help train him as well. It was just so odd. In the Inquisition his abilities had mainly revolved around being noticed and he couldn’t help but feel lost.

He shook the thoughts from his mind for now and tried to focus on Dorian, memorizing how he felt in his arms as if it might be the last time. Dorian was lying against him, head tucked under Elden’s chin, and he just hoped he wasn’t holding onto him too tightly. He knew Dorian had to go and he didn’t want to make this any harder just because Elden wished he could stay.

“I have something for you,” Dorian said suddenly, startling Elden.

“What?”

“I meant to give it to you in the morning, but since it seems neither of us are going to get any sleep I might as well give it to you now.”

Elden reluctantly allowed Dorian to pull away. He sat up and watched as Dorian retrieved a package he hadn’t noticed propped up in the corner. When Dorian returned to the bed he settled back in leaning against him so that Elden’s arm draped over his shoulders. Once he was comfortable he started unwrapping the package for Elden.

“I actually commissioned this a while back,” Dorian said as he pulled back the brown paper to reveal a wooden box. “Between Bianca and Dagna I knew they’d be able to come up with something functional. This is just the prototype, mind you. I fear the final product may have exploded on one or two occasions so I thought it prudent to let them work on it for a touch longer. Unfortunately that means it will no doubt be overly flashy once they've finally finished it.”

“Dorian, just open the box!” Elden said, his excitement and curiosity getting the better of him.

Dorian grinned and slid the lid off, revealing what looked like a forearm and hand made from wood and metal. The hand was a bit crude and only looked vaguely like a hand balled into a fist, but there were hinges that could be adjusted to loosen what functioned as fingers.

“Obviously this isn’t going to be useful for most activities, but you should be able to use it to hold a shield. I imagine you won’t have the range of movement you’re used to, but--”

Elden didn’t let him finish. He pulled him into a tight embrace and kissed him. “You’re amazing,” he said.

“Well naturally,” Dorian said with a grin.

“Could-- could you help me put it on?”

“Of course,” Dorian said, sitting up and undoing the straps.

“You really should stop spending all your money on me, though. First the sending crystals and now this. How much did it cost?”

“Don’t worry about it,” he said. “Everyone was all too willing to pitch in for the resources. While you seem to be progressing just fine without a shield, I know how much you like them and I wasn’t about to leave you to pine over them in my absence. I think you may be able to stick a cup in there if you really wanted to wear it around the house. It might be useful for taking hot things out of the oven as well. Just don’t melt the hinges. And be sure to send them any modifications you’d like done as you test it out.”

Once Dorian had fastened it on, Elden flexed his elbow a few times experimentally to feel the weight. It was so odd feeling something there after so long. He could almost tell where the mark would be if it was really still there, but he pushed that thought away quickly. He reached out and pulled Dorian into a tight embrace. It felt like the first time he had properly held him since losing the arm.

“I love you,” he whispered. “And I’m going to miss you so much.” Elden felt tears threatening his eyes as if all of this was only just now sinking in. He couldn’t let them fall though, not now. He didn’t want to make it harder for Dorian.

“I know, amatus,” Dorian said and it felt like his hands were shaking as he clung to Elden in return. “I know.”

-

Dorian was gone. The house suddenly felt too big, too empty. Elden kept finding things Dorian had left out and he couldn't bring himself to put them away. He even left the precarious stacks of books in the bedroom and hallway even though he nearly tripped over them several times. Elden kept reminding himself that it was only temporary, but all he wanted to do was lie in bed and shut out the rest of the world. He felt childish for it but he just wanted Dorian at his side again.

He could barely sleep in the large bed by himself and every morning it got harder and harder to get up when he was greeted with the empty side of the bed. The loneliness hurt but it was the fear of the news that could reach him with each passing day that really got to him. Dorian was surrounded by enemies. All he had to do was slip up once and that would be it.

But Dorian was alive, fighting for what he believed in, and Elden couldn't do any less. He clutched at the amulet and closed his eyes, remembering every detail he could of Dorian’s hands, long elegant fingers callused from wielding a staff, and imagining them wrapped around the twin amulet, as if he could hold his hand through the distance. He constantly wanted to use the crystal, to hear his voice again, but it hadn’t been long and Elden didn’t want to bother him. He should at least wait until Dorian’s journey would be reaching its end.

Dorian had helped him so much while he recovered here; it was selfish to want to have him stay any longer. He was so proud of Dorian, and now he wanted to make Dorian proud of him. He finally dragged himself out of bed and grabbed the prosthetic arm. It was about time he started to learn how to fight with it.

-

Dorian sat leaning on the window frame as he watched the world pass by outside the carriage. It had been a long journey but it felt longer without Elden at his side. He hadn’t spoken to him since he left and that made it worse. It was silly, he knew, but as desperately as he wanted to hear Elden’s voice again he didn’t want to be the first to call. It was a pointless game that would no doubt end with both of them simply waiting when they could have been talking all this time, but Dorian couldn't help it. Despite their extensive talks and reassurances on both sides that they wanted to make this work, Dorian still couldn’t get rid of that pestering voice in the back of his mind that said that the distance would be too much for their relationship. But that wasn’t fair; he knew Elden was much more self-conscious after his injury and he didn’t need Dorian’s insecurities on top of everything.

Dorian sighed in exasperation and pulled out the amulet. He turned it over in his palm but before he could muster the courage to use it, it started glowing. He jumped and fumbled with it, nearly dropping it before flipping it open.

“Dorian?”

Elden’s voice came through clearly as if he were there in the carriage with him. He sounded hesitant but Dorian could practically hear the smile and he relaxed for perhaps the first time since this trip began. That man’s voice alone shouldn’t have such power over him. “I was wondering when you’d call. Missing my velvety voice already?”

“Always, love,” Elden said with a laugh as if he couldn’t believe they were actually speaking through the distance. “But I actually do have a reason for using this thing. I wanted to make sure you arrived safely.”

“What, did you doubt my ability to travel alone? Or did my tales of burly pirates make you jealous?”

Elden chuckled again and Dorian couldn't help but grin. He hadn’t even realized how much he had missed that laugh. “I know you hate traveling by sea is all. I just wanted to make sure you were holding up.”

“Yes, it was pretty ghastly. It’s fairly difficult to look as rakish as I am while hanging over the side of the deck, but I think I managed. The sailors claimed we had fair weather but I rather think they were having me on.”

“Were you able to keep anything down?” Elden asked, concern entering his tone.

“Don’t be so fussy, I’m fine.”

“Sorry, I just miss you.”

Dorian smiled fondly, and a little sadly, wishing he was back there with him already. “What about you? Did you remember to eat breakfast?”

“Yes, but now who’s being fussy?”

“Honestly, you are such a bad influence on me,” Dorian scolded.

“Where are you now?”

“Carriage just outside Minrathos.”

“I imagine you’ll be swamped once you arrive. I don’t suppose you have some time to talk now?” Elden asked hopefully.

“I suppose I can make that sacrifice,” Dorian said magnanimously. “I am a very important man now, you know.”

“Oh yes, of course,” Elden said and Dorian could hear his grin. “Should I be addressing you as Magister Pavus now?”

“That’s something I never thought I’d hear,” Dorian said with a laugh.

“From me or in general?”

“Both? You realize this means I outrank you now.”

“Don’t get ahead of yourself, you only outrank me in Tevinter. Everywhere else I’m practically an icon. We are quite a pair, aren’t we? The Magister and the Herald of Andraste. Do you realize the looks I’m going to get now when I tell people I’m in love with a Magister?” Elden asked, laughing.

Dorian hesitated for a fraction of a second. The statement was so casual, but the weight of it for Dorian nearly knocked the breath from him. Being back here in Tevinter where everything was a scandal if one tried hard enough reminded him a little too harshly of his past, of being someone’s dirty little secret, a role he had grown accustomed to. He had to remind himself that that wasn’t true anymore. He had fought to be recognized for who he was and he had achieved all that. And Elden. He had never even dared hope to find what they had together and things like this still took him by surprise sometimes. It would only make sense for Elden to at least want to keep the Magister business quiet if nothing else, but he didn’t care. Somehow Dorian found himself falling for this man over and over again even when he thought he’d already fallen as far as he could.

“Let’s face it; anyone who’s met me couldn't blame you for falling for me.”

Elden laughed again. “That’s certainly true.”

Dorian could feel the heat rising in his face and decided it would be best to move on to a different topic before things could get any soppier. It wasn’t like him to be this flustered, but Elden’s affection was so obvious even without being able to see his face. “How is the reconstruction in Kirkwall going?”

“About the same since you left. We’ve nearly finished designs on the wall to block Darktown from the worst of the red lyrium. We still have no idea if we’ll ever be able to remove it all.”

“How are the people in Darktown?”

“I don’t know, better I guess. I just wish there was more I could do.”

This conversation was getting much too gloomy. If he wasn’t there to cheer him up Dorian could at least lighten the mood. “So is single-handedly saving all of Darktown next on your agenda, then?” Dorian asked.

“Did—did you seriously just make a one-hand joke?” Elden said in mock-outrage. “Really?”

“Thank you for noticing, I’ve been saving that one up, actually.”

“Maker, you have more, don’t you?”

“Perhaps. But now for the important discussion. How have you been doing at Wicked Grace? Did all that training I did with you improve your chances against Hawke?”

“Unfortunately I don’t think I’ll ever be able to beat her,” Elden chuckled. “I’m still losing but at least not quite as badly. Varric’s been taking pity on me, I think.”

“That woman is unstoppable. Looks like you’ll have to cheat. I know you said you didn’t want to, but I’m afraid cheating is the only way to beat a cheat.”

“Dorian,” Elden said suddenly serious and it brought Dorian to a stop. For a second he thought Elden was seriously offended by the suggestion. “Please don’t hide anything from me,” he said. Ah, he’d wondered when this conversation was going to happen. “Especially if you don’t want to worry me. When I ask you how you are I want to hear about that Magister that’s been a particular pain lately or that one time you thought for sure you were being watched on your way home. If I can’t be there with you through all of this I want to at least be here _for_ you.”

Dorian sighed. “Fine, but you realize this means you have to do the same.”

“I’ll be fine,” Elden said dismissively. “I’m not the one walking into danger.”

“Oh no you don’t, you lost your privilege to be fine when you failed to mention that your arm was planning on exploding. If I have to recount every excruciatingly boring part of my day, you have to do the same.”

“Okay,” Elden said with a little laugh.

It broke Dorian’s heart to know that he couldn’t see Elden, let alone reach out and touch him, so instead he kept things light. They talked about everything and nothing at all until the carriage finally arrived and they were forced to say their goodbyes. This time Elden made him promise to contact him before the week was out and Dorian entered Minrathos feeling more confident than he had in a long time. He was ready to take on the entire country if need be. Anything to speed his reunion with Elden.


	10. Chapter 10

Dorian lay on his bed holding his amulet tightly in one hand before him. The sun had long since set, but there was still no sign of sleep. This had been going on since he had arrived in Tevinter, and it was about time he admitted to himself that, no matter how silly it made him feel, he had trouble sleeping alone. He could tell himself it was the drama and there was always just so much to do, but as he settled into a routine he eventually had to admit that nothing felt right without Elden. It felt like a part of himself was missing. Dorian needed to touch Elden, to hold him in his arms, and knowing he couldn’t was agony. This had been Dorian’s choice, so why did it hurt so much? At the oddest times he would recall something small and insignificant about Elden, just his posture or the way he held a mug, and Dorian could feel it tearing at him every time. He wasn’t sure how long it would be until there was nothing left inside to break.

Dorian was used to pushing himself through the agony, to using the pain to drive him against anyone in the Magisterium who stood against him, but it was selfish. He had done this to himself, but he had also done this to Elden. How was he handling this? Dorian wanted to be dismissive and perhaps a little self-deprecating and assume Elden was coping just fine and didn’t need him, but he could hear it in Elden’s voice sometimes that he was breaking too. Dorian had been prepared for all of this to blow up in their faces and the pain it would eventually cause, but Elden hadn’t and he certainly didn’t deserve this. They had discussed it at length, both of them making this decision together, but Dorian still hated himself for the pain he was causing Elden, and it was in those moments that Dorian very much regretted all of this. Perhaps it would have been kinder to end things. Perhaps it was vain of him to assume his absence could affect Elden so, but Dorian was no stranger to vanity. 

Dorian huffed out a breath. That was enough of that. It wasn’t like him to dwell. He flipped the amulet open and had to stifle a laugh as he heard the muffled commotion and a cut-off curse.

“Dorian? Are you there?”

Just the sound of Elden’s voice was enough to unwind some of Dorian’s tension, and he smiled down at the amulet. “Yes, amatus.”

“Oh good, I nearly dropped it. The sudden light startled me.”

“What’s the matter, were you holding it staring longingly and hoping desperately to hear my voice?”

“Perhaps,” Elden said, and Dorian could hear the smile in his voice. “But what’s going on? You don’t usually call this late.”

“Just feeling a bit bored is all. How are you doing?”

“Fine,” Elden said before finally admitting, “Missing you. I don’t sleep well without you here.”

“Neither do I, really.” He said it without thinking and Dorian marveled at this conversation. Being back in Tevinter made it particularly odd. Before going south he never would have imagined admitting any of this to a lover, and yet here he was unthinkingly telling Elden anything that came to mind, sharing his every weakness. “You are a living bed warmer, after all. Very convenient," he added out of reflex and to make himself feel slightly less self-conscious about the whole situation. 

“Oh, of course.”

“That awful swill they were serving at the tavern,” Dorian said, trying to sound aloof and uncaring. “The ale? I don’t suppose you could get some for the next time I see you?”

Elden had the audacity to laugh. “Are you actually missing it?”

“How dare you imply that I could ever miss that swill,” Dorian said in mock outrage. “What can I say, I just want to remind myself of the true horrors of the south I survived. It might even impress some of the other Magisters if I allow them to sample some of it.” Elden laughed. They sat in companionable silence for a time before Dorian spoke again. “How have you been? Truly.”

“I—” Elden began and hesitated. Finally he said, “It’s been hard lately. I don’t sleep at night but it’s all I want to do during the day. I think it’s getting better, though. Varric and Hawke won’t let me stay cooped up for very long. And Sebastian arrived last week. He’s coming over for dinner tonight. 

Dorian made a mental note to buy all of them the most expensive bottles of wine he could find. “Sebastian? He’s with Hawke, correct?”

“Yeah, I met him the last time we played Wicked Grace. Finally there’s someone worse at it than me, although I suspect he may be losing on purpose. He’s serving in the Chantry here. Now that men can have higher positions thanks to Divine Victoria, I hear he might be one of the top choices for Kirkwall’s Grand Cleric.”

“Good for him.”

“Divine Victoria has asked me to visit a few nearby towns so see if I can persuade them to support her. Sebastian and a few others offered to accompany me.”

“I suppose that’s one of the safer things she could have asked you to do. Still, promise me you’ll be careful.”

“I always am. But what about you? How is life in the Magisterium?”

“It’s… frustrating,” Dorian said. “There’s so much bureaucracy, so many hoops to jump through just to take tiny inconsequential steps. Today we sat in there deliberating the same topic all day and we still haven’t come to a decision. It’s agonizing. Honestly, if we don’t start making headway soon I might just start setting people on fire.”

“Maybe don’t do that,” Elden said, chuckling. 

They talked long into the night. Dorian didn’t even think of sleep until he heard it pulling at Elden first. Even then, he fell asleep with the amulet open beside him, just listening to him breathe. Waking up to Elden’s voice was the next best thing to waking up in his arms. These crystals were definitely worth every bit of coin he had poured into them.

-

Dorian was worn out and just so tired. He had been working non-stop lately and somehow all of this seemed so much more taxing than anything he had had to do while they were trying to save the world. Perhaps that was a good thing, though. It left less time for him to realize he was missing Elden so much it hurt. They were speaking regularly, but knowing that Dorian couldn’t see him or touch him only reminded him that once they put the crystals away for the night, every part of Elden would be out of his reach and he would be alone again. He tried to keep things light and humorous, partly to distract himself and partly to prevent Elden from noticing. Elden probably knew anyway, though. He was much too smart for his own good. He played along, exchanging jokes and stories, and they both left out all the unpleasant business involving their feelings. It didn’t last long.

“Oh, and I got my hair cut today,” Elden said as he recounted everything he had done that day. “You’d like it, it makes me look presentable.”

Dorian couldn’t help but feel a little sad at that. He was really missing that unruly head of hair. “Oh no, I don’t think you’re allowed to visit until you’ve grown it out again,” Dorian said sternly.

Elden laughed, but then he fell silent for a long moment. “I miss you so much,” he said suddenly. 

“Come now, don’t start,” Dorian said. It was easier not to think about how far away Elden was, knowing that he couldn’t be there to comfort him.

“I miss just sitting together working, even if we didn’t talk. I miss the way you look when you concentrate. I miss the way you turn the page of the book you’re reading like you know I’m watching.”

“That’s always how I turn pages,” Dorian said, valiantly trying to keep things light, but he could feel himself slipping. “You never know when someone might be watching. Might as well put on a show.”

Elden laughed and it was like sunlight, warm and gentle, and Dorian recalled lazy mornings just lying together. He’d watch the way the gentle breeze ruffled Elden’s hair, feeling him breathing against him. 

“I miss your hands and the way they feel in mine,” Elden continued and Dorian noted the way his voice trembled, close to tears if he wasn’t crying already. “I miss seeing your smile. I miss the way your mustache tickles when you kiss me.”

There was no stopping the emotions welling up in Dorian as Elden continued. The fact that Elden had noticed and remembered any of these things was enough to bring tears to his eyes. He didn’t mean to say anything, but he did anyway.

“I miss,” he began unsteadily, cleared his throat and tried again. “I miss the way your brow wrinkles when you try to read a particularly dull missive. I miss your freckles, all of them, and now I wish I’d taken the time to count them all. The next time I see you I plan to kiss every single one.”

Elden laughed rather breathlessly. “That’ll take some time. There are a lot of them.”

“I’ll make the attempt, at least. I miss the crows feet in the corner of your eyes when you smile. I miss the way you pick up whatever random things are lying about and turn them over in your hands when you’re restless or nervous. I’m fairly certain Josephine is still missing some of her favorite pens because you accidentally walked off with them.”

“Dorian?” Elden sounded slightly muffled, like he was holding his breath, possibly holding back a sob threatening to escape, and Dorian hated that he couldn’t see him, hold him. 

“Yes, amatus?”

“We’re going to be all right.”

“Are we?” Dorian asked, just trying to keep his voice steady as tears of his own finally spilled down his cheeks. This was what he had wanted, and he hated himself for it. He was the one who was putting them through this and he couldn’t even be the one to reassure Elden.

“Yes. I love you. We’ll find a way to get through this. Together.”

“I’m so sorry,” Dorian choked, finally failing to hold himself together.

“Stop it,” Elden said. “Don’t apologize. We both have things we need to do. We both chose this. When we’re done we’ll be together again. Until then we’ll get each other through this, okay?” Maker, Dorian loved this man. How had he ended up with someone so kind and wonderful? When Dorian failed to respond with anything more than an undignified sniffle, Elden continued. “I’m going to visit Leliana tomorrow. After that, if your work allows, maybe we should plan to meet.”

“I don’t know if I can, amatus,” Dorian said even though it killed him to say it. “And Tevinter is much too dangerous at the moment for you to come here.”

“We’ll figure something out,” Elden reassured him.

Dorian wanted to believe him more than he’d ever wanted anything in his life. Neither of them slept much that night, but at least they didn’t have to do it completely alone.


	11. Chapter 11

It was dark out and Dorian's candle had long since burned down. He sat there just staring at the amulet, eyes strained and so, so tired. That's what he got for working two days straight, but it was better than trying to sleep. Things were not going well. He imagined banging his head against a wall would be more fruitful than talking with the other magisters. And with more attempts on his life, he was more fidgety than usual. And one of his supporters had been assassinated.  _And_  his mother had come to see him.

Every time he stopped working his mind would race, going over all of the dangers not only for himself and his people, but for Elden as well. He had been with Divine Victoria for the past month or so, protecting her while they attempted to reform the southern Chantry, which was dangerous enough. Then there was the matter of the Anchor. Sure, it was gone, but what if it really was still killing Elden?

That conversation they had in the carriage on the way to Kirkwall still haunted him. What if Elden really was still dying? Was Dorian once again wasting the time they had left like he had during those two years before the Inquisition had disbanded? He just wanted to be with Elden for whatever time they had left, so what was he even doing here? Why had he abandoned Elden _again_? He kept telling himself that this had to be done, that this was his only chance to take advantage of his father's seat, but at times he hated himself for it.

Dorian sighed and slammed his pen down, scrubbing at his face. Did he really have to decide between Tevinter and Elden? _Could_ he decide between the two? Elden had made it easy, because that was what he always did, and as usual that left Dorian free to do the selfish thing. And sure, Dorian was supposed to be here for the sake of the Inquisition as well, but honestly Dorian would rather watch it all burn then risk Elden.

This train of thought was getting him nowhere. All Dorian knew was that he didn't want to be alone with his thoughts. Even if he couldn't see him, he wanted to at least hear Elden's voice and know he was safe. That would be enough for the moment at least. Dorian sighed, picked up the amulet, and opened it to see the glittering crystal within.

"Amatus," he whispered as the crystal flared to life, half hoping Elden would be asleep.

"Dorian?"

Damn. "I'm sorry, amatus. I need—" He had been about to say "you" but that wasn't fair of him. He sighed and rubbed his free hand over his face, trying to keep his voice steady. "Can you talk?"

"It's a shame," Elden said with a light laugh. "It would have been perfect if you'd just waited a few more minutes to call me. But then I never did have very good timing."

Dorian froze, his heart pounding in his ears. What was happening? Was he okay? "What are you talking about?"

"I'm two blocks away."

" _What_?"

Dorian snapped the amulet shut and sprinted out of the room, not even bothering to grab his cloak. He burst out through the front door and ran down the darkened and empty streets, his heart pounding against his ribs. Elden was here! What was the idiot thinking? He could get himself killed or captured! Dorian was all too familiar with any number of ways someone here would no doubt love to study Elden, Anchor or no, but they all ended in fatality and Dorian couldn't, he just _couldn't_.

He put all that out of his mind and as he rounded a corner and caught sight of a group of riders. At the lead was Elden speeding towards him, his entourage hurrying to keep up. Elden was grinning as he brought his horse to a sudden stop before Dorian and swung to the ground. It was difficult with one arm but somehow Elden made the movement graceful. Elden's grin faltered when he caught sight of Dorian's expression.

"What were you thinking?" Dorian snapped, his limbs shaking with fear and joy and adrenaline and who knows what else. "You're lucky you made it this far. Do you have any idea the danger you've walked into?" The man looked positively crestfallen, and Dorian decided to save all that for later. "Maker, I missed you," he said, taking Elden by surprise as he threw his arms around his neck and kissed him hard until neither of them had any breath left.

Elden always managed to fool the eye with his terrible posture, somehow hiding the fact that he was practically a bear of a man with those impossibly broad shoulders. More than once Dorian had been taken by surprise by just how much Elden enveloped him in his arms. Right now Dorian was particularly grateful for it because he wanted to feel nothing but him. It was impossible to get close enough and he could feel tears in his eyes as he felt Elden laughing with joy against him.

Someone cleared their throat loudly behind them and they reluctantly drew apart, although Dorian did not release his grip on Elden. But then Elden also kept his arms wrapped securely around Dorian's waist.

"Excuse me, serah," one of the soldiers said as she approached. "We really should get out of the street."

"Yes, of course," Dorian said, taking Elden's hand and leading the way, determined to get somewhere private as quickly as possible for more reasons than to just get Elden out of danger.

-

They lay together on Dorian's bed, limbs intertwined, holding each other tightly like they never planned to let go. They were both more content and at ease than either of them had been during the three months they had been apart. It was amazing, really. Elden thought he could remember everything about Dorian, from every detail of his hands, long and elegant and heavy with rings, or the feel of him in his arms, but none of it did the reality justice. Elden wrapped his arms more tightly around him, kissing his ear gently and trying to memorize everything about him all over again.

Elden recalled how desperate Dorian had been to hold him, kiss him, and Elden had no idea how he had survived. Even before all of this, before they had even met, Dorian had suffered here in Tevinter, denied this sort of closeness, and yet he still cared, still wanted to save them all, and that was why Elden loved him so much.

Now, Dorian was smiling, curled up against him, but Elden couldn't help wondering how long that smile would last. Soon they would be drawn back to their own tasks, to the loneliness that awaited both of them. Dorian deserved better. Elden hated to ask now, but this couldn't wait and it had to be asked in person. He loved this man so much and he would fight tooth and nail for his happiness, but what was he supposed to do when it was his own limitations keeping them apart? Was it cruel of him to want this so badly?

"We should talk," he said, and felt Dorian tense against him, his heart rate speeding up, matching his own. Elden hadn't meant to start it off so ominously.

"Indeed, amatus. A lot has happened since we last saw each other."

"Are you…" Elden started and faltered, not really sure how to start this. "Happy?" he ended rather lamely.

"Of course, can't you tell?" Dorian said in a clipped tone without opening his eyes, and Elden couldn't tell if he was being sarcastic or not.

"Will you still be when I leave? You deserve to have this all the time," he said in a bit of a rush, wanting to get it all over with as soon as possible before he lost his nerve. "Is this enough for you? I just need to know that in a month, a year, more, that you aren't going to regret this."

Dorian sat up and pulled away, his expression disturbingly blank. Elden wanted to reach out and take him into his arms again but stopped himself.

"I suppose I was selfish, wanting this as well as to save my homeland," Dorian said in that flippant tone he took when he was trying to hide his true feelings. "It wouldn't be surprising if this didn't work out."

"Meaning what?" Elden asked, holding his breath.

"What?"

"We've sort of switched places, haven't we?" Elden began. "You were there for me through everything when I was Inquisitor, but now... It's cruel of me to not offer the same and expect you to be okay with just this, just a visit every few months if we can even manage that."

"I don't care about any of that. This was my idea after all."

"Then just tell me what you want," Elden said, frustrated. "Maker, sometimes it's so hard to get you to talk about what _you_ want."

Dorian sighed and looked away, unwilling to meet his gaze. "This is enough for me right now. I sort of lost it a bit, and for that I apologize."

"No, that's not why I brought this up," Elden said desperately "I just wanted to make sure you still wanted this. So much has changed."

"I—" Dorian began hesitantly, looking at him again. "I can't lose you. I am selfish and cruel and I don't want to lose you. Do you still want this?"

"Always," Elden said with a smile, relief warming him from within.

"Always? Even if we don't see each other for another year?"

"Dorian, I love you so much. A little distance isn't going to change that. I don't want to lose you either." Elden reached out, running his fingers gently over Dorian's cheek. "So we're agreed? This is indeed working and we're both fine?"

"Are you going to do this every time we meet up? Because it really kills the mood." But Dorian smiled at him, covering Elden's hand with his own before they both let their hands drop.

"As long as you accept the fact that I won't stay away from Tevinter."

"No," Dorian snapped. "You're not coming here again."

"I think we've pretty much established that you aren't going to stop me," Elden said. "Wouldn't it be better if you helped smuggle me into Tevinter in the future instead of me doing it behind your back?"

"How did you manage it, anyway? Subtlety isn't exactly your greatest strength."

"Maevaris helped. And Leliana."

"Maevaris!" Dorian threw his hands up in the air. "Of course."

"We did a pretty good job if your spies didn't hear anything."

"Considering my spies are also Maevaris' it isn't surprising." Dorian trailed off and just studied Elden for a moment. "Don't do this to me, please," he said at last, reaching out and taking his hand. "I told you, I can't lose you to them."

"And what about me?" Elden said. "I'm just supposed to watch you take on all of Tevinter alone? Am I really that useless to you?"

"Do you have any idea the number of people who would love to get their hands on you?"

"I imagine they're the same ones who'd love to get at you, so I think we're about even. You might even be at the top of the list now that the Inquisition has dissolved and I've lost the mark."

Dorian sighed in irritation but he reached out, resting his free hand at the back of Elden's neck, and pulled him close until their foreheads touched. "You are a profoundly difficult man, but I do love you. Fine, but you know this has to be a secret. We mustn't make this too easy for our enemies, after all."

"Of course. I wonder if Sera would be willing to open a branch here in Tevinter?" Elden mused.

" _What?"_ Dorian exclaimed, alarmed. "You can't be serious."

"No, think about it. That way I could be here, helping you, while still being under cover."

"Maker, that is the most idiotic plan I have ever heard." Dorian sighed, collapsing against Elden as they both lay back down together. Elden couldn't help but muse how well they fit together. "Although I suppose that makes it Sera's specialty."

"Otherwise, I am becoming a pretty good bodyguard," Elden said with a smile.

"You are not going to be my bodyguard!"

"Yeah, I didn't think you'd like that idea either."

"What about Leliana?" Dorian asked. "I thought you were working for her?"

"She wants me to become her right hand."

"What?" Dorian sat up slightly so he could see his face. "Elden, that's huge!"

"I... don't think I want to do it," Elden said, finally putting words to what he only now realized he'd been feeling since Leliana brought it up. "I'd be her enforcer. Sure, I'd be keeping the peace, but I'm just not sure I can be that anymore. I don't know where it would lead but I know I don't want to leave that sort of legacy behind, particularly considering what the Templar Order became. Besides, I want to be able to focus on stopping Solas. Being a Friend would give me more freedom. And keep me out of the spotlight. Once was enough for me. I'd rather not do it again."

"Of course, there is another option," Dorian said, settling back down again. "I've been in contact with Varric's friend Merrill. She'd been studying the Eluvians for some time and from what I've gathered has made quite a bit of progress with the information I provided her. She even has one at her disposal and I'm certain someone from the Inquisition could get us a few more."

"What? No, Solas owns them now. It would be incredibly dangerous."

Although it would be convenient if he happened to run into Solas in the Crossroads. Getting that confrontation over with would certainly save Elden a lot of time and worry. Of course, he probably wouldn't survive the encounter. But what if it was Dorian who ran into him? That wasn't something Elden wanted to think about. Yes, he wanted to stop Solas, convince him that he didn't need to go through with this, but if he killed Dorian, or any of his friends really, would Elden still be able to?

"We'd use two mirrors isolated from the larger networks, of course," Dorian said. "And we'd bypass the Crossroads entirely. I think that would be safest."

"Why do I have a feeling that if we are able to pull this off, it will be because Solas is letting us?"

"Because you're still thinking of him as an all-powerful god. He's just an elf and he's slipped up before. Actually, he tends to slip up more than not. The point is, we have options. We don't have to make this work with just the crystals."

"Good, because as much as I love your voice, I love being able to see you as well. And feel you," Elden added as he ran his fingers through Dorian's hair.

"That makes two of us," Dorian said with a smile as he leaned over him to capture Elden's lips in a passionate kiss.

-

As much as they both would have liked to remain wrapped in each other's arms, eventually hunger forced them to rise. Elden reluctantly crawled out of bed and began gathering up his clothing. He found his amulet in the pile and picked it up, but it rattled oddly. He held it up to look at it more closely, but Dorian leaned over and snatched it out of his hands.

"That one is mine."

"What have you got in there?" Elden asked with a confused smile.

"Ah, yes," Dorian said quickly, turning it over nervously in his hands. "I suppose now's as good a time as any." Dorian leaned over and pulled a small box out of the side table drawer and tossed it to Elden. "I thought it was about time we made it somewhat official and all that nonsense. I know we never really discussed it but seeing as we're still here I didn't think you'd mind if, well, I hung on to this."

As he spoke, Dorian popped open the amulet and dumped a ring into the palm of his hand. Elden stared at it, at a loss for words. It was the ring he had intended to give Dorian at the Winter Palace. His memory of everything that had happened there was still a bit hazy, but he had figured it had been long since lost. And besides, he hadn't actually thought Dorian was interested in exchanging rings, considering how he had reacted. But Dorian had been wearing it all this time, close to his heart next to the crystal in the amulet. Elden looked down at the box in his hand and quickly opened it, heart pounding in excitement and anticipation. Sure enough, inside was another ring, this one remarkably simple and so so perfect for him.

"Now, I know this wasn't exactly what you'd had in mind when you purchased mine and I'd understand if this is less than satisfactory and if you'd prefer not-"

Elden didn't let him finish. He pulled Dorian into a crushing hug and kissed him breathless feeling like he had never been happier than he was in this moment. "It's perfect," he whispered, resting his forehead against Dorian's.

"Ah yes, well, do avoid crushing the magister, please," Dorian said with a laugh, but Elden couldn't help but notice that he was clinging to him just as tightly.

"I love you," Elden said, kissing him again before pulling away slightly. "There's only one problem."

"Oh?"

Elden raised his left arm. Dorian laughed and the sound was like music to his ears. Elden found it difficult to joke about his hand for some reason, not that he was still disturbed by it or anything. Still, Dorian noticed the effort and as a reward pulled him close and kissed the arm, trailing up to his shoulder.

"Suddenly you're making jokes too, now are you?" Dorian asked, grinning.

"What can I say, you're a bad influence on me," Elden replied. "Seriously," Elden said, running his palm over Dorian's cheek. "I love you. You make me happier than I have ever been."

"I feel the same, but if I don't get some food in me soon I may have to resort to cannibalism, and seeing as you're the only one around that would be very unfortunate."

"I know we're supposed to be keeping my presence here a secret," Elden said hopefully as they both began to dress. "But I don't suppose you could show me around a little?"

"I suppose there are a few places we could visit if we hid your identity," Dorian said as they finished dressing. "We could probably use a cloak, but not that hideous one Sera gave you. Honestly, I think if we put you in some descent clothes for once you'd be unrecognizable."

Elden couldn't help but smile at him, feeling for once like everything was as it should be.

-

Elden had spent a week total in Tevinter, but it was nearly time for him to leave. He and Dorian were walking down the street in public, Elden wearing a heavy cloak in an attempt to disguise himself. It was wonderful being in public together, and Dorian was enjoying showing him places that had meant so much to him in his youth.

They rested at a café and Dorian had to resist the urge to reach across the table and take Elden's hand.

"The tea is quite good here," Dorian said. "And I used to come here and watch people go by. One can see lots of fascinating things if one only takes the time to look."

"It really is a lovely spot," Elden said.

They were watching each other more closely than their surroundings, however, and there was no stopping the content smiles on both of their faces. This was something Dorian had never thought possible. Sure, it was probably foolish, but right now he didn't care. He just wanted to be able to share everything with Elden and he hoped one day they would be able to return without any disguise.

"I'm going to miss you," Dorian said with a sad smile.

"I know," Elden said. "We'll see each other again soon, though. I promise."

"I know the day is only half over, but I rather want to get you somewhere private. I haven't so much as held your hand in some time and it's rather unbearable."

Elden grinned. "I certainly won't argue, although I was enjoying seeing the architecture. You weren't kidding when you talked about the history preserved in them."

"Really? I'm surprised you had time to notice since you've spent most of the time staring at me."

Even under the shadow of the hood of the cloak Dorian could see Elden's blush. "What can I say; you're incredibly adorable whenever you talk this passionately."

"Right," Dorian said. "It's definitely time to go somewhere private."

"I love you," Elden said in that dreamy way he did when he was so completely caught up he'd say things without thinking. The sooner they got somewhere out of sight from prying eyes the better.

They probably should have been keeping things at least a little more subtle, but Dorian flashed him his most charming grin. Elden smiled sheepishly and they both headed off together, and in that moment they both knew without a shadow of a doubt that they would be fine. They were strong enough to make this work. They would help each other through all the hardships and one way or another they would find a way to be together. They would be happy.

The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone who stuck with me to the end! I hope you enjoyed this fic! While I don't have any stories in Tevinter planned just yet, I will continue to write for these two. I have a Tumblr account if anyone is interested (you're always welcome to come talk to me!) and sometimes I post bonus content so feel free to follow me there if you are interested! It's [daihell.tumblr.com](daihell.tumblr.com)


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